In the past few days I have been sitting with the struggle we have with speaking out about sexual abuse, whether you are the victim or a by-stander, and have pulled on many strings to see if I can find a clearer understanding; perhaps the root primary holdout that keeps our voices quiet.
As I wrote many drafts one thing arose...Family Crimes.
Is it possible that it isn't the crime that is so hard to talk about; but family behaving poorly.
And, it isn't the behaving poorly that isn't talked about...but FAMILY in a negative way.
"If you don't have anything nice to say, say Nothing", was my mother's admonishment to us. And, I believe, it has been a social nicety as well.
That somehow by speaking of another's wrong doing, we ourselves become wrong.
Along with the churches belief, that in speaking of another's sin, we sin.
And these are from the 'innocent' bystanders...not to mention the threats we pick up from the abusers, to keep this a secret.
I feel there is an inner blocking system that impedes most of us from wanting to be on the front lines exposing anothers bad behavior.
We will talk negatively about others, but typically behind closed doors and would be mortified IF someone heard. And, this is often called gossip.
These subtle social manners that reflect bad behavior back on us IF we speak out, has us feeling guilty when we do AND feeling wrong, bad, dirty etc.
Not to mention speaking poorly about family.
Which is a whole other territory of NO.
Not only no, but hell no.
You don't ever speak negatively about family.
Family has and will always be held in a special category that is way above reproach.
When we have these ground rules in place that are upheld and supported by so many institutions, and we hear and feel its power from the time we are little, it takes a huge amount of courage to speak up and stand against it.
It is this Centrifugal Force that keeps us quiet...and away from the truth.
I had to go and look up the definition of Centrifugal Force.
"An object traveling in a circle behaves as if it is experiencing an outward force. This force, known as the centrifugal force, depends on the mass of the object, the speed of rotation, and the distance from the center. The more massive the object, the greater the force; the greater the speed of the object, the greater the force; and the greater the distance from the center, the greater the force.
It is important to note that the centrifugal force does not actually exist. We feel it, because we are in a non-inertial coordinate system. Nevertheless, it appears quite real to the object being rotated. This is because the object believes that it is in a non-accelerating situation, when in fact it is not. For instance, a child on a merry-go-round is not experiencing any real force outward, but he/she must exert a force to keep from flying off the merry-go-round. Because the centrifugal force appears so real, it is often very useful to use as if it were real. The more massive the object, the greater the force. We know that this is true because an adult will have a harder time staying on a merry-go-round than a child will. The greater the speed of rotation, the greater the outward force. We know that this is true because a merry-go-round is harder to stay on, the faster it rotates. If you move further out on the merry-go-round, you will have to exert a greater force to stay on. In order to stay on a circular path, we must exert a force towards the center called centripetal (or "center-seeking") force. Consider a rope with a ball on the end. You can swirl the ball around in a circle over your head while holding onto the rope. The ball experiences the so-called centrifugal force, and it is the rope that provides the force to keep in moving in the circle."
Is it possible that we create this centrifugal force within families? "The bigger the more massive the object the greater the force"....group energy.
Or perhaps is it insane to believe there is not a centrifugal force that we are up against. Is it not true of society, of smaller groups, and of institutions...that they all hold a special force that pulls us in or repells us?
Either you are close to their core belief or you are struggling to hold on.
Perhaps what will define us and free us to speak out, is what merry-go-round you are on.
And, how close you are to the center.
Just interesting to feel the power of this centrifugal force that takes inert objects and moves them.
Reporting family crimes is to try and stop the merry-go-round while struggling to hang on...and to stop it and not destroy the enery force that makes the family go round. Impossible.
All groups and institutions have a center core; a moral code and belief system and it spins. Going against its core is tough.
Perhaps what makes society inert and silent, is they feel this force and are not willing to struggle against it or be pushed to the edges where it will be harder to be a part of the group. They don't want to challenge their status quo.
When life is spinning in a good direction who wants to stop the ride?
Staying close to the center; being a good daughter is far better than being insubordinate...
But know what kind of ride you are on....is it a force for good or evil?
And, are you an inert object that is just going along for the ride?
Where is your power?
Family crimes is a merry-go-round that creates a vortex that is very difficult to go against.
However, the more of us who set this pattern into the Universe, the easier it will be...
Let's spin new energies of self-love, peace and joy!
Art has helped me re-calibrate a new energy within!
An object traveling in a circle behaves as if it is experiencing an outward force...