I just began listening to "Year of Yes - How to Dance It Out, Stand in the Sun, and Be Your Own Person." By Shonda Rhimes.
One of her lines was "Saying No has gotten me to this life I am living..."
She committed herself to say Yes, to the things that she was afraid of, uncomfortable with, the ones where in the past she had said, "No".
On her birthday, she made a vow, that for the next year....she would answer Yes instead.
As I look back at my last 10 years, that is what I had done.
I moved into the places where in the past I had steered clear of.
I traveled into the dark and scary places; felt emotions that left me breathless.
I pushed myself to express and say things, in the past, I would not have said.
I introduced myself to the most terrifying truths imaginable...and lived their truths.
It isn't about saying Yes to wildly adventurous places; but to say Yes to your fears and uncomfortableness.
The woman who welcomed folks into her booth...had walked deep into herself; exploring all the wounded crevices. Has felt the somber landscape of aloneness...and had lived her way back to be creatively bright.
When you face your darkest fears and say Yes to the most awful of truths...you become strong and brave beyond measure. I can face the outer life's scary places- because I have traveled through my own inner landscape of terror.
As I told one woman..."I wouldn't take nothing for my journey now." For there were so many times, I didn't want to live through it, to experience the shunning, the adverse effects of my speaking out....but each of those moments put strength into my character...allowing me to stand tall.
I began a life of saying Yes to me.
Yes to my emotions, my fears, my truths, my love, my joy, my peace.
I welcomed the most broken part of me into my awareness.
I did have to dance it out....fake it until you make it.
I did soak up nature to balance out so much darkness.
I did lose myself in art in order to find myself on the other side.
I love my art even more. For it has kept the space of me....Until I was Me again.
A new me.
A me that is a colorful, creative, and at peace with what is.
For I know me and am willing to watch me change and grow and am excited to know that I am still an art piece in the making; an ever changing life of Art.
This morning I created this...."Be the Flow"
Be the Flow of You....the Yes and the No. The comfortable and the uncomfortable.
As Byron Katie says, "If you can't say No, I don't trust your yes."
Same goes for saying Yes.
My life changed when I said Yes to all that made me uncomfortable, afraid and alone...
It was where my real truth and authenticity lived.
Right behind the fear of saying Yes to Me.