I have been wondering about the reasons people change their minds. What causes them to make plans only to cancel? Was it the thoughtless Yes in the first place; where they didn't really think through what they were saying yes to? Do they not feel the honesty of their yes and find it easily discarded?
There is also a second part to cancellations, the person who has now been stood up. How do you respond to being discarded? Are there circumstances that feel less personal and do you go ahead with the event alone?
Is there a weakening trust issue when it happens on a regular basis? What does it say about you and I, when we continue to engage in pretend plan making?
It triggers within me the feeling of mattering less. Remembering how adult plans often changed at a moments noticed and children were then powerless to continue on alone.
For some reason this has nagged at me.
Maybe I want more for the cancelling person than they do. I want their Yes to be firm and confident and trustworthy.
It feels like I was part of a dream that didn't happen.
And, it jades me to dream again...with them.
I don't easily drop plans.
But, I also don't always say Yes...when I am not sure it is Maybe.
A Maybe Dream.
Not a Yes Dream.
I am also pretty sure I have not always been this way. I know I have cancelled due to a 'better dream' and have certainly disappointed others.
I also firmly believe that our confidence in ourselves, our self trust is when we can follow our Yes word with matching actions.
Being true to your word is character, for what else is there to a person?
Even being true to your word for yourself. Which is much harder for me. I don't easily cancel with a friend; but have left me high and dry repeatedly.
I am getting better.
I try to dream more reasonably and not set unrealistic expectations. Instead think before I say yes or dream or plan...so actions can follow my words.
I am learning not to take it personally, when someone cancels their time with me and realize it is the way they manage their lives or the fluid way their lives move.
My steady is me and my word.
I then get to choose to go ahead with our date; but solo.
This part is where I am going to concentrate on. What I can or cannot do.
It takes the power of fun away from them and places it back to me.
And, going alone isn't something I am comfortable with and need to do more of it.
For I am changing plans with me, when they cancel.