Self worth, what is self worth and how do we decide what makes us valuable? Is there a scale we step upon and find out if we are worthy or not? Who decides if we have hit the mark, or maybe better who decides if we haven’t?
Self-worth, self-realization, self-esteem, self-actualization, the common denominator in all those words is self.
How is it possible that the self is the one beating the self up, berating, hating, wishing and dreaming for another self?
Does that then mean we have a self, and then we have an idealized self?
Somehow we were taught not to be ok with how we are right now, but to strive to always look beyond the here and now, beyond who we are today into a future of dreams and wishes.
What if we stopped searching and seeking to become something we aren’t and instead sought to look instead to the right here and the right now, to look inward instead of outward, to feel our bodies operating, to see all that we have today. What if we focused on now?
Can we start right here and right now, starting with who you are now, not who you want to be, or where you want to go, or what you want to wear, to what car you want to drive? And again, who is the You that will ride in the car, wear the clothes and move?
Who are you? Who are you without the labels, the roles you play, the actions and words of each day? Who are you when you are in neutral?
Who are you before you think I need a better car?
Is it possible to meet the person you? Or is that person hidden behind a million conditions, buried under the weight of wanting something different than what is? Where is the person of your birth, the little girl, where is she gone and what is lying upon her?
I was blessed to have my whole world come crashing down, for it left me in neutral, in a state of don’t know.
I didn’t know who I was or what I would eventually become, it seemed my whole world was stripped away and I lay naked, bruised and confused.
The job of covering up or looking away from the whole mess was too big, it seemed easier to bring it all in, to define myself from that point. I didn’t have another choice. I was a woman whose whole past was a mess, it was my starting point, if I had an idealized self, it was one that wouldn’t be defined only by the mess, but rather of one who went beyond.
I went beyond and learned about myself.
I now know myself and simply understand that I am who I am because of where I came from, what I was taught, the experiences of my youth, the life I led, and I simply had to realize that, to own it, to embrace my life fully and wholly, and not one part did I leave out.
Self- realization or actualization or worth, is the total of who you are today standing here in your full glory.
The good the bad and the ugly, with the past that can’t be changed, or wished differently, begin here.
Begin to see yourself here. “You are here” just like in the maze at a Mall. You are here. Imagine being here and wanting to be somewhere else, or someone else, and the spot moves where you move. You are here!
As you stand as the spot called here, look at you, look and see where you are, who you are with, what you are?
The spot of here moves where you move and it never stops.
The spot of here is the present moment and it never leaves you. In the spot of present moment is the real you, that too never leaves the spot.
The real you travels along on the spot of here and it is only in our heads, our dreaming heads that want or wish for something else, but we are really on the spot of here, being who we are right now, the real you is the you today.
My self worth is the me that has gathered together 50 years of experience on this planet, the lessons I have learned, the sorrows I have suffered, the happiness and joyful memories, the friendships I have gained, the ones I have lost, all make up me! How can I be worthless?
Maybe self-realization is to realize your worth, for you to see you, to hear you, to hold on to the you of today on this spot of time called now.
Be here now.