"The Body Never Lies," by Alice Miller.
"Children cannot escape their own parents, so they cannot afford to see through them either. Blindness makes it possible to survive. This is the way the abuse of children has functioned since time immemorial. BLINDNESS AND FORGIVENESS ARE ESSENTIAL TO SURVIVAL. But at the same time they lead to repletion and they perpetuate cycles of cruelty."
"To break through this vicious circle we need to understand that so-called love cannot survive abuse, deception, and exploitation without seeking new victims. And if it requires new victims, it is no longer love but at best the longing for love. Only UNFLINCHING REALIZATIONS OF ONE'S OWN PAST REALITY, OF WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED CAN BREAK THROUGH THE CHAIN OF ABUSE. IF I KNOW AND CAN FEEL WHAT MY PARENTS DID TO ME WHEN I WAS TOTALLY DEFENSELESS, I NO LONGER NEED VICTIMS TO BEFOG MY AWARENESS. I no longer need to re-enact what happened to me and take it out on innocent people because now I know what happened. And if I want to live my life consciously, without exploiting others, then I must actively accept that knowledge." Alice
What seems so clear, yet is so hard to wrap your brain around, is that a defenseless child is left without escape and in order to survive turns itself blind to what the parent is doing. You mind will not allow you to SEE your parents. Not 'remembering' what happened, allows you to live in a fanatasy. And in this so called, 'loving home' you then begin to grow and develop awkwardly.
You set into place the opposite screen to what is.
Love is abusive.
Caring is neglectful.
Your 'truth' is backwards...you become authentically dysfunctional and can't even see it.
It is my belief, that we then hurt our children in order to keep 'love' alive. Love means there must be a victim and a perpetrator.
The fog of not seeing who my parents were, also swirled and darkened my access to emotions that were what they truly were.
Meaning, I didn't have access to moving away from fear, and even more tragically, I didn't have emotions of warmth and kindness that moved me towards goodness.
Not having access to warmth and kindness, kept me pushed back on the inside, not feeling drawn to children inside.
My insides were all wrong.
My arms could wrap around them...but not my heart.
My heart was used for clinging to abuse....so oddly it is, if you could see your children as hurtful, unkind, etc, then they could be loved.
Not sure if you all can follow this, but it makes bitter sense to me.
What gratitude I have for the fog lifting 7 years ago...and to see in harsh reality my parents and what they did to defenseless children unable to escape; I then was able to walk right-side up.
Walking and pushing back from abuse and things that hurt me...allowed me to feel warmth toward my children...to feel their innocence and my deranged mind.
For all the mothers out there who have doubts and glimpses of their childhood terrors, and are unable to see straight through to what their mother did...You will enact her emotional pattern.
You will love what hurts...and be pushed back and away from kindness, love, peace and joy. You will shut out the Light side of life, while stoking the fires of hell...and not even know it, for the blindness of surviving your childhood blocks you from seeing.
Growing up means taking down the survival glasses and facing the reality of your childhood, feeling and seeing the defenselessness of being you in their home.
The blocking out abuse lenses are also blocking you from seeing your innocence.
If you can't see you as an innocent child, your children will never wear that banner...
It all falls down to pick one.
You or your parents are innocent or to blame, for the childhood abuse.
Depending upon what path you take; your children are sure to follow.
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