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02/13/2012

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As Dr. Phil says, "People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing,"

Thank you for this post. I had wondered about the same thing regarding their blogs & decided if they want control of who reads them then they are not worth my attention.

It takes great courage to be open about abuse & many people don't want to hear about it because their conscience may start to trouble them. Or, their rose colored glasses may no longer shield the ugliness that comes with all forms of abuse and control. People controlled by religion and one group's interpretation of it always fear outsiders or anything different from their own limited experience. It's why strict rules and distinctions are made to distinguish the "faithful" from sinners. It's also why sinners within the so-called "faithful" can continue their abuse. Exposing sinners (abusers) within the FALC is viewed as an attack on the entire church while the real culprit is left to continue his/her abuse. It's evident even in the way the law dealt with your father. Instead of him serving a sentence locally, despite what the victim's family asked for, he was banned to another area where he can continue his behavior. And, the local FALC can continue continue on as usual with the abuser out of sight. Unfortunately, he is not out of mind as the other half of that old saying goes.

I applaud your courage and continued sharing of your journey. I'm sure there are plenty of people who never comment but who have been helped by your blog.

I too grew up in the 1st Apostolic Lutheran Church. I, however, never once heard of abuse among any families from this church, and I know quite a number of people from the church. Sexual abuse is considered highly taboo within this church and culture; in fact, having sexual relations outside of marriage or before marriage is taboo as well. It is quite unfortunate that you experienced this from your own father. This was indeed a rare, abnormal occurrence. However, linking your perverse familial abuse with the church is really unfair and defamatory, as this personal experience of yours shows up when you Google the First Apostolic Lutheran Church. If you had been abused by other members within the church, it would be fair to defame the church; however, it seems you only have your father to blame.

While I appreciate your viewpoint, I am not coloring the whole religion based upon my father; but rather from the conversations I have had with many many victims. They come from so many different family trees, you would be quite shocked.

It is not a rare and abnormal occurrence within the church. What is more rare is for there NOT to be abuse.

The victims I have spoken to come from our local area, Minnesota and Zion Illinois. I have also spoken to many members of splits from the church such as The Old Apostolic church, and it too has a lot of abuse.

While it may be taboo, it doesn't stop it from happening.

I too, at one time, thought it was only my family. Only to find out, bit by bit, it was so far spread, it was completely overwhelming. It is rapidly spreading exponentially.

If only the members within the church would be a bit more concerned and work towards exposing the abuse and work less in trying to keep up the 'reputation of being a culture where it is a rare and abnormal occurrence, the children of the next generation may have a chance.

I am happy that if you google, the church, it sends you to a blog about the abuse. That is the truth that lies within its pews.

Oh, and Rim. While you say, "you have never heard of abuse among the families" I am here to say just that. Now, you can no longer say, "You haven't heard."

I am a young member of the FALC and your account of abuse is the first I have ever heard of within the FALC. I'm curious if your father is still part of the FALC. I'm a bit confused on how your relating your abuse to the FALC. What I can come up with is that you think behind the "walls" of the FALC a "sick disease is lurking". I'm assuming you mean abuse. You said in your post "A voice in the silence...speaking up about the abuse and the FALC". You keep mentioning this so called abuse going on rampantly within the "walls" of the FALC but you fail to mention anything about it beside your very brief statement about you which I am very sorry for. You talk a lot about Jim and Judy's blog and why they would dare have a private blog and no comments section. First off I don't know if this is true I have never visited these blogs but of course they are private. Can you imagine the comments that would be made on them if they were open. It actually sounds to me like you are nosy and want to get a peek into Judy's blog and behind the "walls" of the FALC. We both know everyone is welcome to come through the "walls" and join us.

Jim only had a few posts. Judy's was erased and ended. She still has a general blog, but it isn't about healing from abuse or even commenting on it. So, they are no longer relevant to the conversation of blogs, abuse and the FALC.

My blog is about my experience and my knowledge is based on conversations I have had with many other members (EX-members) of the FALC.

My father passed away.

How can there be a conversation if only one side is allowed to speak. The reason I keep mine open, IS i do want to hear from others.

Your experience "Anonymous" is yours. I am not even eager to speak with anonymous folks.
I much prefer to know who I am speaking to. Your failure to show your face, makes your comment less interesting.

I like transparency.

I do understand, that most are unwilling, unaware, or even uninterested in the darker side of a strict religion and the effects of unhealed abuses. Most are only interested in religion as being the end game of Heaven. Not the cost of what the structure leaves upon the lives of those who try and live under it.

The reason, in my opinion, that abuse is so rampant in the church is its inability to look at it. Even in your comment, you are more concerned about the blogs than the nature of the blogs.

You can't afford to believe that abuse is rampant. For your avenue to heaven then will be closed.

Interestingly, I most hear voices defending the church and the LACK of abuse.
When, my experiences are of victims sharing their stories.

I however, know that most will not share to those who are unwilling to listen to their 'church' religion be smeared.

You seem to just keep throwing out this word abuse. So tell me because apparently you know all about while I haven't heard of a single account.

Again, you are faceless to me. Your account means nothing without a face. What you are saying to me, is all who have shared are meaningless, because you yourself with your own ears and perhaps eyes haven't seen it. Is it then only true, IF it is true for you.

An interesting view of reality.

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Books, signposts along the way.

  • Annie Rogers: A Shining Affliction: A Story of Harm and Healing in Psychotherapy
  • Elizabeth Gilbert: Big Magic - Creative Living Beyond Fear
  • Brene Brown: Daring Greatly
  • Martha Beck: Leaving the Saints
  • Glennon Doyle Melton: Love Warrior
  • Byron Katie: Loving What Is
  • Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor: My Stroke Of Insight
  • Brene Brown: Rising Strong
  • Patrick J. Carnes Ph.D: The Betrayal Bond
  • Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.: The Body Keeps Score
  • Alice Miller: The Body Never Lies
  • Dr. Shefalie Tsabary: The Conscious Parent
  • Laura Landgraf: The Fifth Sister- From Victim to Victor
  • Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection
  • Christina Enevoldsen: The Rescued Soul - A writing journey for the Healing of Incest and Family Betrayal
  • Annie Rogers: The Unsayable: The hidden language of trauma
  • Steven Pressfield: The War of Art
  • Alice Miller: Thou Shalt Not Be Aware
  • Rythea Lee: Trauma into Truth - Gutsy Healing and Why Its Worth It
  • Iyanla Vanzant: Trust
  • Rob Bell: Velvet Elvis
  • Norah Vincent: Voluntary Madness- Lost and Found in the Mental Healthcare System
  • Terry L. Wise: Waking Up: Climbing through the Darkness
  • Dr. Karyl McBride: Will I Ever Be Good Enough
  • Shonda Rhimes: Year of Yes

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