A few of the worst habits that comes with abuse and being raised in a very strict religion are the ideas that change will happen when the other person changes...or when life has the right and perfect climate.
That we will change when we can move in harmony...is how we are taught. That it is wrong to move IF someone else is unhappy about it.
Stepping away from the old habits of harmony is very hard to do. Especially if it breaks the harmony of family.
Looking up the word Harmony, suggests a pleasing arrangement or combination or an agreement in feelings.
In dysfunctional homes, harmony was often gotten by one party being silent.
A fake harmony...not a pleasing arrangement, but a forced harmony.
And when the silence is broken, the false harmony ends...
Some would say that it is breaking up the family or going against the parents etc, but in reality, it is just showing the disharmony that has run through the family always.
Being the one to speak up doesn't break the harmony...it breaks the pretending.
I believe that the family could change its whole tune, if all would begin to sing their own feelings, own experiences and own their truths.
Sadly however, rarely does the one who started the false harmony change...meaning the parents.
I was given the incredible opportunity to change my own tune; by seeing who I was, where I came from, how I was raised, what I took with me, how it created me, and how I mothered from there...and how my needs impacted the lives of my children and others.
For me to sing a new tune I had to fully realize what my old harmony required of others.
My old peace was found by others doing this or that for me.
My old peace required me to control what they did or didn't do.
My old harmony was forcing others to be a certain way for my peace, my love and my joy.
When I set them all free to be who they wanted to be, I had to learn how to find my own inner harmony. I found it by doing what brought me peace.
I didn't need an army of folks making me happy, I found it was a much simpler deal to do this by myself. I didn't need an army of people catering to my needs...it was up to me.
It took a great amount of time and personal restraint to let them all go. To not require them to do what I felt I needed.
I had to work on constructing my own self image minus their voices echoing me. They were allowed to sing out of tune to my own words. We did not have to match. Their opinion of me and my opinion of me was allowed to be worlds apart.
What had to matter the most was me singing my own song.
What was my truth about me as I knew me.
I had to always have the last vote.
It is so easy to get swept away to sit on the shores waiting for someone to give you the go ahead, to cheer you on. But, what I have found, is the one we are waiting for is your self.
I have become very aware of when it is me holding me back or when I believe it is someone else.
I know that our minds often love to settle down and do nothing for it is the easiest it seems. But when we stop because of someone else, we are letting that person hold the reins to our lives.
They are now in control of what we do and how we do it or if we do it. And, as soon as you stop due to their lack of singing in harmony, you are now being carried by their tune of you.
It doesn't matter what you do in this life, just make sure you are singing your own tune of who you are. Make sure they are your words, your music, your passions and desires, your experiences of you.
Many people don't like how I am living my life, how I am making my choices, drawing my lines, doing what I do. But, at the end of the day all that matters is that I am singing for me.
Remember, Universe is One Verse. There really is only one verse of you. You are the only one who is standing in the way of how you sing, how you move and what you do.
Either you will let others words describe you....or you will sing your own song.