In writing a letter to the woman of the OLAC, I completely see how we see things differently and yet 'right' from our own points of view. It isn't that she sees it wrongly, but how right it seems shining through the lens of faith.
I didn't get this.
I couldn't see how it was to not see, except through the beliefs of faith.
She can no more see what I see than I can now pretend to pretend the rightness of her religion or my old one.
It left us with no common ground...at least that I can see.
In reading the book, "Daring Greatly" by Brene Brown, she writes about culture...
"The way we do things around here," or culture, is complex. In my experience, I can tell a lot about the culture and values of a group, family, or organization by asking ten questions."
1. What behaviors are rewarded? Punished?
2. Where and how are people actually spending their resources (time, money, attention)?
3. What rules and expectations are followed, enforced, and ignored?
4. Do people feel safe and supported talking about how they feel and asking for what they need?
5. What are the sacred cows? Who is most likely to tip them? Who stands the cows back up?
6. What stories are legend and what values do they convey?
7. What happens when someone fails, disappoints, or makes a mistake?
8. How is vulnerability (uncertainty, risk, and emotional exposure) perceived?
9. How prevalent are shame and blame and how are they showing up?
10. What's the collective tolerance for discomfort? Is the discomfort of learning, trying new things, and giving and receiving feedback normalized, or is there a high premium put on comfort (and how does that look)?
"In each of the following sections I'll talk about how these play out in our lives and what specifically I look for, but first I want to talk about where this line of questioning leads us."
"As someone who studies culture as a whole, I think the power of these questions is their ability to shed light on the darkest areas of our lives: disconnection, disengagement and our struggle for worthiness. Not only do these questions help us understand the culture, they surface the discrepancies between "what we say" and "what we do," or between the values we espouse and the values we practice. My dear friend Charles Kiley use the term "aspirational values" to describe the elusive list of values that reside in our best intentions, on the wall of our cubical, at the heart of our parenting lectures, or in our companies vision statement. If we want to isolate the problems and develop transformation strategies, we have to hold our aspirational values up against what I call our practiced values - how we actually live, feel, behave and think. Are we willing to walk our talk? Answering this can get very uncomfortable." Brene
What I see as the culture of the church....whether it be the FALC or the OLAC, is how they have aspirational goals but the practiced values are far off the mark.
How curious it would be to see what the culture of our families are by how we act and not by what we aspire to....
I can viserally feel the culture of the church and the lack of morals and values they aspire to, just in the way their words are not met with actions.
What would the churches answers be to the ten questions above? What is the culture of the families?
Will the culture show the discrepancies between what they say and what they do?
It is the discrepancy that I have issues with... words and actions are not matching.
It is hard for me to be with folks whose words and actions don't match....
I used to give them the benefit of the doubt when their words sounded kinder and with morals and values, even if their walks were way off...now, I go by actions alone.
Describing what they are doing will show you the culture of their worlds.