"Love opens the doors into everything...including and perhaps most of all, the door into one's own secret, and often terrible and frightening, real self." May Sarton
What a great line.
I know this to be true.
I also know, that in dysfunctional families where secrets are kept, there is no love, for love opens the doors to secrets.
Love wants to know where the trouble lies, where problems are, what is wrong and what is causing pain. Love doesn't exist where secrets live.
If the other person isn't willing to pass through the door and sharing their real self, the relationship is not based on love...but fear. Fear of exposing their true self. Speaking their truth, sharing their feelings and expressing their emotions.
Mostly, if you were raised to keep secrets, you were raised to not be your self.
And, love opens the doors to everything....and if there are things you don't want exposed, then love is not there...
Fear of being yourself.
Fear of not being liked or accepted.
In dysfunctional families, especially dysfunctional ones who are also members of a strict religion where you must fit into their idea of what is right, if you don't go along, you will tossed out.
Being different is not okay.
Being transparent about secrets not okay. And, these are not secrets of surprises, but secrets of harmful actions, folks who are abusive and the abuse one suffered etc.
Keeping sweet a family that is layered in abuse...isn't love.
The greatest fear families of dysfunction subconsciously live with is, that when the doors are open, no love lives there.
When you add the secrets to the person, how do they change?
Will love be there?
What is the content of the person?
And, are they exposing their own secrets or trying to keep the lid on?
I love that love opens doors...often terrible and frightening...Real Self.
This can be very good or very bad, depending upon who you truly are.
If your secret self fears being exposed...you will pass on love.
It wasn't until I fully exposed and embraced all my secrets that I knew what love was.
Love means nothing is hidden.