I wonder if it is possible, we eat for feelings. To feel good etc. It is like we are controlling our feelings by doing something. Instead of letting our feelings organically come forth; is it possible the control we seek, we find in creating 'good' feelings so as to not feel the other ones.
I sat with myself many times today, aware of what my mind or belly or something wanted. I wondered at not so much the taste or the fact my belly wasn't hungry, but what I was searching for.
I am thinking it I have eated to feel good emotions.
I thought at first it was about the taste, but as you know, while eating something good, you only really taste the first few bites, the rest you just eat to finish.
So, I started by tasting the cookie in small bites and then noticing how I felt before AND the surprising lack of gooder I felt after.
I am bringing my awareness to what I am expecting food to do for my emotions.
I bet this is what is meant by emotional eating...we eat to feel good emotions.
But, is that possible?
At first I thought, eating was about tastes...and it is...in that IF it tastes good...it will transfer good feelings or emotions inside.
There seems to be a very odd fantasy about the magical powers I have given food.
I am continuing to eat as I normally do, but watching how my feelings are while eating.
Aware I believe I can separate my emotional body from the food and then will food just be fuel? Is it possible that what I am actually craving from food are feelings I can get in other places, perhaps non-caloric ones?
It seems more true that I have placed "good" feelings in food. It isn't that I am covering up 'bad' ones....when I eat, but I have gotten in the habit of going to food for my happy emotions.
I know I get them elsewhere too, but there is a wire wired incorrectly that has me eating to feel good.
And, the reason I have been holding closely to the sweet treats, is that I am believing it is my happiness pipeline.
I will try and see if I can find other ways besides food to fill up on happiness.
Or at the very least release food to be food.
My guts believe food fuels my happy button. I know that my emotions and food are mixed up. To look at the combination of flour, sugar and butter and believe that happiness resides there...instead of inside of me.
My emotions have leaked out again...or so my mind would have me believe.
Heaven is in a sweet treat.
When the feelings are inside of me.
It is impossible for food to hold my emotions.