I think Family is the most unrealistic group we have ever joined...its membership requirements are often at odds with individual truths, needs and feelings. It was something that started before you were born and you are now expected to carry on its purpose; regardless how it fits and feels within your life.
Instead of having the elder members dictate how family is, I think the youngest generation should get the loudest or highest vote.
A typical family is run by its oldest member's needs.
The queen or king Bee.
And the rest have to tread lightly as to not disturb their vision of what families do.
It appears to be the opposite of a free society.
If each new younger generation keeps this pattern going, when will family be a democracy?
Perhaps this isn't typical; but dysfunctional.
Holidays become days of stress and strain as we all try and contort ourselves into what the elder needs.
This becomes 'normal'.
We give up who we are and what we like, for family. Again, this may be a marker of a dysfunctional family and not one who celebrates differences and applauds those that do what they feel and not what is 'expected'...but what other group would you participate in that rarely reflects personal expression?
Often I hear of family struggles and most often it is because they have to do this or that because the eldest member NEEDS it. Again, what group would you be in that only serves one member perfectly.
Do we subconsciously follow and do, to keep peace during the holidays....or feel we can do it, since it only happens a few times a year?
Making people group together feels so odd to me know....although, I am guilty of doing this in the past. My status within the family depended upon how I participated, and I was not allowed to NOT participate.
I have been a loyal member for years and years...
Never questioning what I was loyal to.
It seems to me that family structure needs to be re-designed to fit the individual needs of everyone; not just be exclusive to the top.
To me, the group would be the strongest when allowing each member free will.
I would rather folks come who want to come; rather than feel they must.
I would rather have a warm open invite compared to an order.
Often the order is a silent expectation. We know s#@t will hit the fan when we opt out.
Or that we have to have a 'good excuse' or reason to not go.
Being forced to be with people loses the holiday cheer.
It is my hope that I, as one of the elders with my children, can rearrange the family so that we all can feel our vote counts. That no matter what the event is, each can arrive or stay away with acceptance and understanding.
And, I believe, I can only do this by doing this.
By going or staying away.
By not demanding of them what I don't want to feel pressured into doing.
The group called family is only as good as its free will.
If there is no free will, it is ______
I had to look up "the opposite of free will" and I found this....
"Free will is the ability to make something happen without the influence of the environment or heredity." Now, this is my definition of a great family!
Back to the opposite....words like "fatalism, pre-destined, pre-ordained or determinism is often contrasted with free will."
No wonder I am opposed to a family that doesn't have free will...it sets the mindset of the group to be unchanging...and to go on forever as it has been.
Life is about change and if you don't have or allow change; then it would seem like a life-less family.
I am still awestruck about the definition of free will.....I love it.
My intentions are to have a family with the Spirit of Free Will!