I now have one of my public speaking moments on You Tube. It was taken on a cell phone, so of course the quality isn't up to par, but the message still holds. This was in the summer of 2012.
As I drifted off to sleep last night, I wondered to whom this speech would be helpful to or who would benefit or be inspired.
It hit me....family.
That's who needs to hear about a pedophile in their midst are family members; the ones whose lives and their children's lives are at risk. And, yet these are the same members who don't want to hear about it.
Speaking about my father to a room full of strangers who don't have any contact with him isn't helpful. But, if the family would have heard me, its impact would have left large ripple affects.
When any victim of incest speaks out; the ones to benefit the most are those closest to them.
For all the statistic show that 90% of sexual abuse will be with someone you know, and of that, 50% with family. My public speaking isn't for the general public, but for those connected to me, my siblings and my parents. However, no family ever attends my speeches.
It is for those who are close enough to be infected by either the abuse or the denial.
This was my first speech....in public. Yet, I have spoken about sexual abuse in much more detail....one on one. I have spent hours and hours trying to find a way to get family to hear. (whether in the spoken word or in writing here on the blog)
It doesn't appear to matter how good the venue is, or how articulate the words, or whether I am barely contained in anger and rage, or speaking from concern....it all falls upon the deaf ears of family.
What I mean by this, is that they have refused to give up on our family; no matter what. They have chosen to keep me at a distance in order to save any familiar shreds of family.
I for one, know how life changing it is to really bring in the totality of your sexual abuse. Especially to see your family in its horrific reality. I know the cost of hearing me.
My speaking engagements are no longer for my family to hear; but for those like I, who are estranged. To give hope that there is life and love, outside of the dysfunctional homes...and relationships. AND, to show the actual growth in fabric of your self-esteem and awareness and Self Love!
I speak as a victim. For I am.
But, I also speak as one who has found her power.
Which makes me no longer an active victim...if you will.
What I love about this speech is that the conception of WIND was just beginning...and here we are 2 1/2 years later going strong. WIND is what I imagined...and beyond.
It isn't so much my speech, but my life and all the walking it took to bring me to that podium. The speech is just a thumbnail of my journey...
(coming soon to You Tube...I M Perfect Workshop)