When you live your life from the inside out, your feelings are engaged and alive. I most often Feel someones energies, before I See them. The words are garbled and the intention is clear.
As they enter my space, I know what energy they carry.
My feelings light up...and my body responds.
Sometimes, my mind will try and convince me that what I feel isn't what I feel. However, my body isn't a liar. Its responses are beyond the mind.
My mind wants a friend. My body recognizes the lack of respect.
My mind wants to be part of a certain group, my body doesn't want to go.
When I 'went out of my mind' I landed in my body, in my feelings and emotions.
Living from the inside ,compared to with the mind and the outside, can be at times, very lonely.
Often I am standing alone, against many.
I had read a short article about how woman throughout history, often used their craft or art to express themselves, when they were unable to be heard. When their voices were not included in the conversation, they spoke up in fabric, words, and needlepoint.
I get this.
At times, when my voice and my words are not heard, my Art holds the space. When my emotions have no where to go, creating awaits.
It is almost like a scream towards the close ears.
I am depicted and thought of as the evil one. I am the outcast and the estranged. The mental one.
Yet my art does not show this.
My energies and joy flows into shapes, colors and design.
I understand now more than ever, this at a deeper level, why working with my hands in art was so important.
For the words falling from my mouth landed unheard.
Folks from my old self circles treat me like a leper.
Like I am the one with the problem.
And, perhaps I am.
The truth sayers are not always welcome or appreciated.
It is easier to shut me down, unfriend me, turn away, than it is to hear me.
I love my art more.
The expression it gives me.
How it is infused with good energies.
Like attracts like.
Those who can't be near me are repelled in their honesty.
Another great insight was to know that the Universe is on my side.
I was given the gift to create wonderful strong powerful empowered joyful adventurous inspiring soulful women...and to be friends with those who look like my art.
Badass Imperfect Ladies!