What would have to happen to end estrangement? What event or circumstance would allow me to find a connection?
My first thought, is to always go back to where we broke.
I can't see it any other way.
The thing that broke us has to be examined.
Does it matter if life has moved on, if we have experienced more of life will that change how we look at the event that broke us? Is it us or the event that created the estrangement?
Every now and again, a sibling checks in.
After a 12 year or so separation, I truly don't know what to do.
How do you begin building a bridge over the estrangement?
There is a group of women who are helping women in prisons re-write their life story..."Truth Be Told". I think this writing exercise would also be very helpful for women outside of prisons as well.
I then, thought, perhaps it would also be a good exercise for estranged family members.
But, how would it work?
It seems that the best would be to write our experiences of our lives.
To see where we are, what we did or didn't do, the choices we made and why?
How we engaged with life that has us standing where we are standing.
The only way the "Truth Be Told" project works is IF everyone is brave enough to speak their truths. And, in dysfunctional families this is often what causes the dysfunction in the first place. They typically have a foundation of lies upon which it is built.
They don't even have to be huge lies.
Just not the truth be told...for the core of the family be poked full of holes.
If I were to generalize the content of the gaps between my family and myself it would be the lack of living a life where the truth be told.
The truth be told, no matter the outcome and consequences of it.
This to me is the solid foundation upon which I have now rebuilt my life.
The only way back from estrangement, to me, is if the truth be told and lived.
For the victims to become empowered truth tellers.
And, to live what they know the truth is.
I have never understood how anyone can know there is abuse within a family and YET, still part take of its traditions. To go to parties and celebrate new life events, while the very content of the family is built upon lies.
Lies of normal.
I wonder what the list of writing prompts would be in order to unravel the lies or for the truth to come forth?
I wonder how many of the women in prisons were born into dysfunctional families? How many never were taught how to live a life of truths?
What I also know, is that coming from an abusive childhood, the truth be told, was not accepted or welcomed. Not when it was to color the family black.
The quilt above, "Love Your Now" is the first step in awareness. To be with what is. To fully bring in all aspects of you and this moment in time. To be here now.
What is the truth of where you sit?
Truth has been my driving force for the past 12 years...my sobriety of denial.
It has set me free.
Freedom is just another word for nothing left to lose.
What would you lose if the truth be told?