More from "Emotional Agility" by Susan David
"Identifying Your Values"
"The word "values" can have a scolding, Sunday-school connotation that's pretty unappealing. It feels restrictive, or punishing, or, worse, judgmental. We hear a lot about having the "right" values (or the wrong ones), but what does that really mean? And who decides what values are worth having?"
"First off, I don't think that inflexible notions of right and wrong help us much. And they certainly don't belong in a book about emotional agility! Instead, I see values not as rules that are supposed to govern us, but as qualities of purposeful action that we can bring to many aspects of life. Values aren't universal; what's "right" for one person may well not be for someone else. But identifying what matters to you, whether that's career success, creativity, close relationships, honesty, altruism - there is an almost infinite list to choose from - gives you a priceless source of continuity Values serve as a kind of physiological keel to keep you steady."
"And you don't have to settle on just one. A colleague of mine describes values as "facets on a diamond." Sometimes, he says, when you turn one to face squarely, another may have to move away - but it is still there, part of the whole, and visible through the prism."
"Here are some other characteristics of values."
They are freely chosen and have not been imposed on you.
They are not goals; that is, they are ongoing rather than fixed.
They guide you rather than restrain you.
They are active, not static.
They allow you to get closer to the way you want to Iive your life.
They bring you freedom from social comparisons.
They foster self-acceptance, which is crucial to mental health.
"Above all, a value is something you can use. It helps you to place your feet in the right direction as you journey through life, no matter what life leads you." Susan
I love this part in the book. I love how values are used to guide you, to move you and to define how you chose choices in life.
I love how they are not imposed upon you, but come from within.
I would say, they are the markers of our character.
I also love how values are not right or wrong - they are free and active and will not bind you- but give you wings.
Values certainly will color who you are; but you are the one holding the paint brush.
Your values are always showing, by the choices you make.
I love how values are not to be imposed.
My old church is a great example of how imposing values fail the whole community in which it rules.
It didn't allow for personal freedom to chose - shutting down the individual self.
The 'faith' and its rules were always seen first.
I recall living life with it as my ruler and value maker.
I didn't have a personal voice. Or, if I did, it was to go against the church and its values and be a 'sinner'.
How would it ever be possible to have emotional agility while under the influence of a religion whose rules supersede your own?
You know how some people feel that being part of something makes them better or less than.
I believe that when you are raised to value the values of the religion, over your own personal emotions/body and soul, you will always seek to find yourself in a group you join.
What I also recall, is when my family and religion collapsed, due to the lack values I thought it held, I was left without a self.
My self was in the values of what I belonged to.
I was nothing without them.
It took a long time to define my own values and to change my life in a new direction.
My new values were felt and consciously selected.
Once in place, my life was simplified and easily followed.
They have guided me and helped me live very authentically for me.
I love the freedom and how unrestrained I am. How I am able to do my life as Me.
My most defining value is to see reality.
to name a few.
Value - what is important to me.
What is important to you are your values and are seen by what you do. Your values are wordless; the silent movie of you!