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02/28/2017

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I was very angry with my mother for a long time. I could hardly wait to get away. Later -as i grew-and experienced life-- i knew that she did the best she could under the circumstances. My brother made me realize this when he said he always remembers coming home after staying away as long as he could and in spite of everything--our mother would be there by the woodstove cooking something.He got a feeling of security from that. I guess i didn't because- she always seemed angry to me- but i realized later that her anger was at not being able to provide for her children.I wonder if your mother has this awful feeling deep inside--an anger at not being able to protect her children...and perhaps she does not admit to the truth...because she cannot bear to....No peace for us who grew up in chaos--only a yearning......

I truly can't know how my mother felt. Her actions after my father was caught, were not about the victims, but more about her life.

Perhaps we all personalize it. And, yet as the adult in my home, I reacted differently, than she did the adult of her home.

I am sorry that you experienced the distance between mother and child or the anger of a parent. Feeling responsible for her anger is not a good place to be.

Being with our feelings is so much better than denying them. Even in not denying our home life.

Thanks again, for being honest, for understanding the dynamics between mother and child and how the less than perfect ones affect us.

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Books, signposts along the way.

  • Annie Rogers: A Shining Affliction: A Story of Harm and Healing in Psychotherapy
  • Elizabeth Gilbert: Big Magic - Creative Living Beyond Fear
  • Brene Brown: Daring Greatly
  • Martha Beck: Leaving the Saints
  • Glennon Doyle Melton: Love Warrior
  • Byron Katie: Loving What Is
  • Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor: My Stroke Of Insight
  • Sheryl Sandberg, Adam Grant: Option B - Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy
  • Brene Brown: Rising Strong
  • Patrick J. Carnes Ph.D: The Betrayal Bond
  • Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.: The Body Keeps Score
  • Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.: The Body Keeps Score - Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
  • Alice Miller: The Body Never Lies
  • Dr. Shefalie Tsabary: The Conscious Parent
  • Laura Landgraf: The Fifth Sister- From Victim to Victor
  • Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection
  • Christina Enevoldsen: The Rescued Soul - A writing journey for the Healing of Incest and Family Betrayal
  • Annie Rogers: The Unsayable: The hidden language of trauma
  • Steven Pressfield: The War of Art
  • Alice Miller: Thou Shalt Not Be Aware
  • Rythea Lee: Trauma into Truth - Gutsy Healing and Why Its Worth It
  • Iyanla Vanzant: Trust
  • Rob Bell: Velvet Elvis
  • Norah Vincent: Voluntary Madness- Lost and Found in the Mental Healthcare System
  • Terry L. Wise: Waking Up: Climbing through the Darkness
  • Dr. Karyl McBride: Will I Ever Be Good Enough
  • Shonda Rhimes: Year of Yes

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