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05/23/2017

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Hard to understand how a church...or anyone,would want to stop someone for telling the truth and for trying to prevent sexual abuse and incest.As the Catholic church had to finally accept responsibility and face the shame....so should all churches who have this going on...and God bless those who lead...fight....make others uncomfortable as the truth comes out!

I think you have to be true to your heart and do what is right for you. And for the good of the community. Your attorney is right. Truth is the best defense.

Hi,
My name is Mark Tulkki and I am a member of the First Apostolic Lutheran Church. It is sad to hear that you must have gone through so much trouble and despair. It is not sad that you are writing about it but that you have gone through such an awful time in your life. I am not sure if you are saying you do not have faith but my thoughts and prayers are truly with you either way.
I hope that you have been given the help you need to have a happy and secure life. Perhaps there will always be some scars but may those that surround you help you during trying times.
All forms of abuse should be reported and if you are hearing or understanding differently, from anyone, then there is a good chance you are being given incorrect advice. To forgive someone, even from abuse, is one thing (and good if the abuser truly repented) but it does not mean that help from the proper authorities should be ignored.
Though I am tempted to write about my own church experiences (personal discussions, sermons with understanding the role of government and the need to protect and help all our neighbors from harmful things, etc.), I do not want this to confuse anyone into thinking the purpose of this response is to protect the church name. This is, and should be, about giving you support - even if it is from people such as I that you do not know. Also, very importantly, I do not want to assume I understand your experiences.
Please accept my sincere apologies if any of the above comes across incorrectly.
You can consider me a friend. My email was attached if you want to contact me.

Mark Tulkki

Hi Beth,

Is it okay if I register to receive your updates? I am not sure if it is proper to do this without asking as it is a personal blog. I also understand if you do not want me to sign up for it.

Mark Tulkki

Thanks for your comments Mark, and sure go ahead and register. I am open to discussions and yet, mostly this is for me to share my thoughts and experiences. I am also speaking out for those whose voices are still silent.

Sexual abuse within families is so very damaging. It isn't about the event itself, but how it changes who you are.

A book, "The Body Keeps Score" by Bessell Van der Kolk will show how the it literally changes the brain.
Add that to the strict religion and my whole perception of my self and the world was quite twisted.

For there to be real changes within the religion itself, there will have to be enough interest and belief that there is sexual abuse going on within families who are members of the church.

I would suggest bringing it up with the Mission Board members and see where you go.

I have heard that David Taivalkoski - preached that the abusers needed to turn themselves in. This is an acknowledgment that it is happening; but not the correct way to approach this.

Abusers rarely, if ever, even admit when caught that what they did was wrong.

I am not sure how this can be addressed from within. When, in my experience, the church's belief that there is no sin to great to forgive, and that the forgiveness comes from the victims, IS a huge hurdle. It isn't our job to correct a wrong that was done to us.

Holding the two diametrically opposed views - what is needed to heal one's self from sexual abuse directly opposes what the church teaches.

Even the simple yet profound commandment "Honor thy Mother and Father .."stands in the way of going against the parent even in thought.

The more you read and research about the affects of sexual abuse and the more you understand the limiting powers of the religion.

Will there ever be enough interest within the church to want to delve into the 'sins that have been washed away' to make some real headway into the incest in so many families? Do they really want to know that the main component to their religion works remarkably well for the abusers, and leaves the victims without a tool?

I have spoken to moms who are concerned about their children, yet a greater concern is their entrance into Heaven. Their Faith stands before the safety of their children. They feel intuitively, to stand against abuse, will endanger their faith. This is a huge stumbling block. And, another great win for the abusers.

The adult children who have set up boundaries against their abusers (family member) are often shunned.
To NOT forgive is seen as a sin as well.

My new definition of forgiveness is, to believe that the past could be no different. It isn't about wiping it away; but embracing what is.

As you can see, I can go on and on about the discrepancies between the healing from abuse and the teachings of the church. It is a mind twist that can't contain the two.

Thanks Beth.

I agree completely that abuse (whether sexual, physical, emotional, mental, etc.) is a very serious matter. This happens too often in the world. One time, in my mind, is too often. Yet it, unfortunately happens even from people that belong within religious groups, charity groups, the ranks of educational institutions, health groups, and so forth.

My thought is that it is not often (though it can be the case) the institutions or groups that cause the abuse but the individual and their inclinations. The question is, what can groups or institutions do to minimize the chances of it happening and being diligent to protect the innocent. Certainly communicating about it will help individuals to be alert for some of the symptoms whether in the abuser or the abused. Then, there is the education to teach the "what do I do if I know or suspect this is happening" can better take place. Many people do not know what to do and there may at times be personal or perceived conflicts that may confuse a person on what to do. This is not a good excuse to not act, but we can imagine it happens from time to time.

I will write more on some further thoughts in another comment as I have a few times written longer texts but then lost them as I was timed out.

Learning should not stop with teaching people to watch out for abuse, however, as it can be well hidden. People should learn what to do if they are the ones being abused. They should also be assured that it is okay to report the crime. I would hope that they would know that it is okay to go to a trusted person and the authorities who would give them the needed help that they deserve. There are many people who would help. The abused should not be shunned or caused to have any additional suffering or feelings of shame.

I will later talk about the topic of forgiveness as this can be confusing when it is not understood. This is, of course, unless you do not want me to write about it. This is your blog.

When you speak the the institutions and groups are not often responsible for the abuse; I agree. YET, they are responsible for the way they deal with poor behavior. In the religion, there is the ideas of 'sins'. Sins, are often crimes against children; but a sin. The sin is dealt with; but not the crime.

When, the sin is washed away - so, hence then is the crime???

I do hold the church responsible for how they address sins. When the practice is to wipe them away, you are enabling the abusers to carry on. Not only carry on; but clean - whiter than snow. What do you think happens then to the victim???

We are judged for being unforgiving - IF we continue to speak of this sin.

If you can appreciate the value of each person's faith and how much they will protect it and adhere to its teaching, you may then understand the obstacle I deal with.

How can you address this abuse and how the teachings of the church are not helping without poking into the beliefs and faiths of the church?

And, not only religion; but the family as well. Most folks don't look kindly upon those of us who set boundaries up within families. We are seen as destroying families and not setting up healthy boundaries.

The to major blockages to ending the cycles of abuse, as I see it, is religion and the dedication to keeping the family together.

In an ideal world we would not be shunned for speaking out about abuse. Yet we are. You are asking the victims to do the right thing. Report.

What about setting examples of standing up for victims, which will often mean standing against the abusers?

And, what would that mean?

Again, when talking to women who are afraid for their children's safety, when they know a grandfather has abused, or an uncle or father-in-law, what they will NOT do is stop a relationship with that person. They will not stop going to family functions where they know a pedophile is. They don't want to be the one to set up a boundary. Instead, they say 'they will watch their child'.

Children watch you. Abused children watch you. If you are friendly to the folks who abused them, they will not report or tell you. You are the friends of the abusers; and can't be trusted.

If you, as an adult, can't set a boundary, how are you expecting children to report?

Learning isn't so much about abuse; but rather how free are you to make choices of being with or not being with family. Who will stand up against a parent, regardless of your age?

Abuse within families is very complicated and hard to heal from, for it holds so much of who you are, where you come from. In order to heal, you often have to lose your whole family. A high price for peace.


Yes, we are all accountable for our actions, especially when we are adults and should know how to make healthy decisions. We decide what we do, how we act, and how we react.

You are allowed to blame whomever you want and it is not my intention to convince you othwise. Nobody has been in your shoes and gone through the things you must have gone through except yourself.

It is also true that we should stand up for the abused. This can be done directly at the time of the assault, soon afterwards in support, or even as simple as listening to someone still in pain years later.

You brought up some very tough questions regarding the abuser in a family while visiting together. These questions probably cannot be answered in a general statement but I can see why there would be a grave concern, especially if it was felt that it could happen again. I have children and would put their safety and well-being at a very high priority.

More than blame it is to show how the system I was born into works so well for the abusers. IF forgiveness of sins worked, there would healed abusers. Instead, it is a get out of jail free card and they are able to continue on. Kindness has given them the shield to hide behind. When good people do nothing.

I agree, there are many ways to show support and then there are ways in which will help end the cycles of abuse.

Cycles of abuse are created, not only by the abuser; but also by those who fail to respond in ways that would greatly shut down his/her access to children.

I cannot blame my mother, IF I were to do as she did.

The cycle ends, when we do different. When we become the adult we wished we had.

However, most adult children who are unable to set boundaries, were victims themselves.

It isn't easy to find the internal strength it takes to value yourself before others and their needs.
What I was taught is selfish, was instead self care.

This legacy of abuse, will take lifetimes to change. Patterns are not easily switched. Religions, not easily challenged etc. And, it is equally hard to see while in the midst of it. I was blind, until I was on the outside looking in.

I too, am not trying to change anyone's opinion or experience; but rather stating my own.
Agree if it feels right to you.

Mark, I would like to know a bit more about you. I am 58 years old, mother of 4 and grandmother of 1. I left the church when I was 46 years old - had been unhappy and doubting for a few years previous. My husband is not from the church, which I believe, made it easier for me to leave. Although my complete change did affect us, but we have adjusted well...over time.

I wrote a response to the above but again got timed out. I will try to comment again later by first writing it off line.

I am in my late forties, happily married, and also have four children. No grandchildren yet but my two older sons each have a dog. Some say I have two granddogs.

Beth,

If anyone is wondering why I am writing about forgiveness and abuse together, it is because you tied them somewhat together in your previous comments which, of course, is from your past experiences. Hopefully nothing will come across as offensive (if it does, it is possible I was not clear in my writing.) You can call me out on anything for clarification. I will, however, probably be off line for the next week or so as I am heading out of town.
I am not sure if I understand what you are saying about forgiveness of sins and abuse but I will give you some of my thoughts about it. Perhaps we can agree and disagree on various parts of forgiveness. I have found that sometimes people who seem to disagree (even strongly) on matters actually have very similar understandings but either their focus is different or they look at it from another vantage point. Yet it is also happens that two people cannot agree at all but at least they have been given the opportunity to learn something from each other. Let us see how we fit our understandings on this matter.
Preaching forgiveness of sins, whether from the pulpit in a general sense, assuring specific individuals who ask for forgiveness from someone else, etc. is an honorable and good thing. In fact, Jesus commands that we preach forgiveness. We should never find it unimportant and forget about this matter as we know that the costly price of sin could only be paid by Jesus. By faith in believing in Jesus for the forgiveness of our sins makes us acceptable to Heaven. Our faith may be small but God covers all of our shortcomings.
To ask, receive, and even having the ability or heart to preach forgiveness is a grace gift from God. Speaking about forgiveness is one way to encourage each other in faith and to be reminded of how God continues to show us His Love and Mercy. It truly benefits both the person who receives it and the person who preaches it in many ways.
There may, at times, be those who will accept the concept of forgiveness while they do not have a penitent heart or the cognitive ability at the time to understand what it entails but we are not like God in that He can read everyones hearts and minds. We should preach forgiveness to anyone that asks us for a blessing. It would be dangerous for us if we expected more from ourselves in that we would try to determine if others are truly penitent. We could even say that none of us are penitent enough by our own measurements to deserve forgiveness for many matters. But God still forgives. We should therefore want to proclaim forgiveness to all who will hear.
To tell someone that they are not worthy of forgiveness or must do certain things to prove they are worthy is to put ourselves in between God and Man. It would not be proper for us to decide who is worthy of forgiveness as we are not to stand in the doorway of anyone who wants to believe. We are also taught in the Bible to love our neighbours as much as we love ourselves. It would be a sad thought if I believed my own shortcomings would not be forgiven.
As I have previously written, to forgive someone does not mean that all forms of punishments are necessarily taken away from the forgiven. This especially holds true when it is serious and/or criminal in nature. Though the Gospel of Forgiveness should be preached even to the worst offenders, they still need to face the government and other authorities. This is not only to mete out any lawful penalties but also to protect both the victim and even assist assist the offender when it is possible. In most(possibly all) instances, to protect the victims should be the most pressing and priority reason for getting the authorities involved.
Forgiveness is not the cause of the abuse. It is a good thing. Man is, unfortunately, so apt to take proper things, both temporal and spiritual, and use them for their own desires which can be perverse and negative instead of for the betterment of everyone. We should not stop, however, to do our best and believe in ways that are righteous as instructed from God.
Victims of abuse should get all the help they can from: family, law enforcement, the medical industry, counselors, social workers, friends, and so forth. Abusers should also get help. Nobody wins from abuse and as Beth stated, it can be cyclical from generation to generation so everyone should support all involved as soon as possible with cases of abuse. Hopefully the next cycle of abuse can be prevented.
The abused can often have a long road to recovery (perhaps never fully recovering) so love and support should be given to them along the way even if they do not always act or speak as you would want from them. Expectations should not be mandated for the abused to forgive. They should make that choice on their own. There is obviously no reason for the abused to ask for forgiveness from the abuser for the attack(s.) To ask them to do so is inappropriate and may cause them to feel additional unnecessary shame. The focus should be on showing love and support for those who have been abused.
This should not, however, stop others from preaching forgiveness to a penitent abuser. Certainly we must acknowledge that every case of abuse or other criminal activity is unique in circumstance and it can be difficult on knowing exactly how to deal with it. It is not easy, especially if family is involved. I feel I must encourage anyone that is reading this and acknowledges that they did not previously handle things in the proper manner. God still does love you. And for those of you who may be going through this right now, learn, educate yourself, be strong, and prioritize helping the innocent so that no longer will those who have been abused feel they are alone and unprotected.
But most of all, my heart goes out to all of you who have been abused, no matter where in the world you may find yourself, get the help you need. Do not let the abuse go on any longer. Find someone who will help you and go to the authorities. You have no need to feel shame or embarrassment as this is not your fault.
Abuse is a terrible thing and we should all watch out for it.

Your Friend,
Mark Tulkki


Mark, I do understand from where you are speaking from. I, however, no longer believe in the religious view of forgiveness. The application in how forgiveness is used -leaves the SINS, unaccounted for. It is as IF, they have disappeared. It deals more with the abusers and his entrance into a heaven or to be returned to a whole state of cleanliness. This, I feel is impossible.

The act has been committed. It cannot be erased from the victims, it certainly cannot be removed as an action of the abuser. Yet, the church community "Believes" it can be. That Jesus is now carrying that sin.

To me, now - this type of dialogue and understanding feels co-dependent.

And, it leave the believer in a position of no accountability for their life. All they have to believe is their wrongness will be Jesus's to carry. Poor Jesus. Meanwhile, the believer and faith person walks away scott free.

Your words, and application sound very proper and faith based - and yet when you are on the other end of the application of this, it feels like insanity.

I too, don't mean to put you down or make your faith less than it is. But, I am telling you, that the "Belief" that the sins are washed away, is like believing in Santa Claus. At some point, the 'sins' will be in a pile and you will have to face reality, that the words and sentiments and beliefs do Nothing to change reality.

A persons behavior is who they are. It isn't words or beliefs about them. It is the actual actions they take or don't take.

Again, IF the forgiveness of sins and your faith truly worked, your pews would be full of healed abusers and victims who felt untraumatized.

If you can hear me, the second abuse happened, when the adults in my world "forgave" my father.

They were all well meaning, faith based people who have been taught to "let God" decide who to forgive and who not to forgive.

To me, their common sense, or reality was blinded with the faith words and perceived actions.

Again, while you may not be able to see it, you are preaching about the forgiveness of sins, MORE than what reality is showing you.

It is as if reality happened, and in order to make right the character of the person YOU are, and the character of the abuser, you use faith to keep both in a sweet place.

In fact, the cult like religions call "forgiveness" to "keep sweet".

This keeping things washed and clean is an unreality.

For, in reality, whether my father was forgiven or not, he kept abusing children for over 40 years.

And, not only that. In the year 2004, when he was caught, when he saw a person of faith, he asked to be forgiven - and he was. By them. Without fail. For they didn't want to be the man between God and the sin.

I am not sure you can be objective enough or step out of your faith for any length of time, to be able to see the whole picture.

Reality doesn't care.

Whether you see or not, abused children are being added to the pile day by day, moment by moment.

There is no way, that the abusers are not like my father, whose victim list continued to grow as long as he was alive.

Not all victims become abusers; but some do.
Who of my father's victims will live to carry on the legacy?

And, we are but one family from the church.
How many are there? How many of their victims are abusing?

While you preach the power of forgiveness, the "letting God be the judge" etc. The abusers are free to roam, abuse and be blessed, repeatedly, and they do.

You can handle the abuse and abusers with your forgiveness.

I will speak from the side of the victims and how it doesn't work, heal or make us feel our truth is held sacred.
Our truth, the experience of abuse, IS what you all want to wipe away.

If, there was another use of the forgiveness, I have not found it.

Again, I see forgiveness as believing that the past can be NO different. To not believe this, is to believe that IT could have been different. That the forgiveness did work, and my abusive father was just a dad.

I am not sure I can articulate the reality of reality to someone who believes it can be a bait and switch type game.

The only sane place I have found to stand is with the reality of what is.

Any other position, to me, is insanity.

You and yours, are allowed the faith you believe in. It has become more powerful than reality.

In reality, is where abuse happens.

We, just can't get you to be there with us and for you to not try and change it away...with your belief in the forgiveness of sins.

All we want is for you to set down your faith in the forgiveness of sins, to sit with us in reality.
And, all we see you doing is hanging tight to your faith.

You cannot let it go.

We know this.

I accept that.

It can be no different.

That is my application of forgiveness. Knowing you can be no different than who you are.

To believe differently, would make me insane.

I want you to be you. Always.

Beth


Mark, it occurred to me after writing the above post, that you and I are dealing with two parts of the same thing.

I am dealing with sin. Which you feel is God's work and a sin for me doing so.

And, you are dealing with the forgiveness of said Sin.

We are dealing with it, but from two distinct viewpoints.

I am staying with the sin.

You are in the business (Faith) of removing it.

No wonder we will not see eye to eye.
I want it to stay and you want it to go!

Beth

Beth,
I think we both agree that abusers do not get a free pass and they should be held accountable for their actions. They should be treated appropriately by the authorities. We are also of the same mind in that it is everyone's duty to be aware and report this crime along with support victims as much as possible. Many additional concepts we surely both are in agreement.
Our difference seems to lie in regards to faith and whether there is room for forgiveness. It would not be fair for me to even consider pushing you on this subject. Certainly you have been through much and it may not be in your heart to forgive (I truly do not mean this with any judgement.) Again, I am not in your shoes. Nor do I suggest you should forgive if it is not your desire. This is your decision. I am possibly looking at it from afar where you were very close and personal to abuse.
I do not feel it should be forgotten in that people should push anything under a rug. To forget, for one thing, is to not learn from it in hopes that we can stop abuse whenever possible.
Yes, we are looking at it from two different vantage points but we agree much more than we disagree.



Mark, I hear you, but I don't believe that the church is first concern is about the abuse. Its business isn't about the sins; so much as about the forgiving of them.

My forgiving of my parents, is to know, that the past could be no different. They were doing their best and their best included abuse and the overlooking of abuse. I accept who they are. That is my forgiving nature. To not expect them to be different than who they are.

This brings me peace.

Once I accepted that my father was an abuser, I could then make choices about whether I wanted a relationship with him. Same goes with my mother. I have peacefully chosen to end the relationships. I do this out of love for my self and my family.

In my experiences of the church and its forgiveness, it didn't offer the choice of leaving.
The forgiveness they preach is to forgive so to keep the relationship together - the same - unchanged.

I am glad to hear you found some peace and I truly wish the best for you and your family. It is okay to forgive in whatever manner you choose and still decide to part ways.

Mark, I know you mean well, and I also believe that you believe, that the church is well meaning and would report abusers.

In my experience. This is not true. It wasn't true way back in the day of my youth and it isn't today.

This opinion of mine is from dealing with victims and a few conversations with Mission Board Member, and with the local police and detective agencies.

The 'idea' of reporting sounds so honorable.

The actual implication of what that means, is much more about turning in family and friends to the local police.
And, even then, the law of the land NEEDS a victim who will stand in the court of the land and testify against the abuser. In fact, they may need more than one.

While the church and its teachings are hindering healing, the laws of the land are very backwards in dealing with abusers.

Open discussions will help to find solutions.
Thank you for all your thoughtful responses.
Beth

Hi Beth,
I certainly cannot speak for others but only my thoughts. I do not deny that things may have been mishandled in giving you, as the victim, the proper support and showing love. My heart goes out to you fromm what I have read.
I am not sure if I am being clear in what I have communicated. I do not think we should forgive without seeing and acting on the sin just as I do not think we should look and act upon the sin without having the heart to forgive the penitent. I think we should do both. It is not a matter of choosing one or the other.
Both actions, in my opinion, should be handled with the proper responses.
I can see from your writings that it is difficult for victims to see forgiveness given to abusers. This should be handled with the prosper taste so that victims do not feel that the abuse is fogotten, etc.
Again, my guess is that abuse in the world has rarely been handled correctly. It is good to seee this subject written personally from individuals such as yourself as well as the media.
Perhaps because I belong to the church that you do not see it but I am truly on your side.
I am also learning from our coversations which I suspect is part of why you have this blog.

Mark Tulkki

Here are a few further thoughts. I hope you see that my comments are not to excuse any action or inaction from others towards you in the past. That is not my intention. Frankly, it is mainly to show you there are many that care about you and the ordeal you must have faced.
I agree that it may be a feeble attempt to explain some things from what you have expressed but I see things with a smaller brush(I do not mean this in terms of right and wrong about abuse.) Things often are more complicated, people are more complicated, and groups are more complicated than we think but if we take the time to communicate and truly hear each other, it can be understood at least a little more than before.

I again understand, that you are only speaking for yourself and that it is complicated to know what a group of people believe and do.

That being said, there is a much clearer idea, when the group works to believe the same and works under the same rules. Individuality isn't what the group is about; rather sameness.

My experiences with the folks of the church, and the detective even stated, that he was amazed how many knew my father was a pedophile for so many years. Not only knew; but did nothing. Meaning, nothing to end his abusing kids. Those who knew, were church members, neighbors, preacher and Social Service works.

However, that being said, when it did hit the news, there was only a few phone calls to me, from "those who care". One, was to tell me, "There is no sin to big to forgive". And another woman from my old neighborhood. I didn't take her call.

It seemed to me, the time for talking was long gone.

What will work for slowing down the rate of abuse?
What actions are helpful and what are not?

I am only speaking from what worked seemingly well for my father and what did not end his reign of abuse.
What the church folks did and didn't do. I know, that many are not eager to have me point to them.
But in each family, especially in a close knit community who 'shuns' the outside world, we do depend upon other adults to blow the whistle so to speak IF our own parents are not keeping us safe.

I naively thought, that the church who preached against sin, was full of people who would stand against criminal behavior; but they don't when it concerns members of their church/family.

What I do know, is that I am not going to be like the folks who knew and did nothing.
When I hear a name of an abuser, I do call the Houghton County Detective and give him a name.

If enough 'caring' folks give information on to the sheriff department, perhaps there will be enough to warrant an investigation.

My mother never ended relationships where abuse was found.
I have.

I am trying to end the legacy by NOT doing what others have done.
In doing that, I am left outside of my family. I will not silently go; but continue to blog what I think and experience.
I have left the church for I no longer believe in its morals and values, when they are not putting woman and children first. It was a second blow, to discover not only was my father an abuser; but the church people knew.

My own denial prevented me from knowing. A mind doesn't record abuse, when you are a child, so you can survive living with your abuser.

How many church members are willing to learn about sexual abuse, incest and the like in order to report children at risk? What are members doing now?

I guess the reasons, I state the church members are not caring is that no one asks, what they can do. More tell me how the forgiveness of sins works, where it came from, what its purpose etc is. The speak of religion while the abusers continue to abuse.

Will knowing more about religion end abuse?

What is the most important thing we can do for a child who is at risk or one who has already been abused?

Beth

I will ask you, what can everyone do to prevent abuse? What are the proper steps when suspecting it? What are the signs? What would have helped you in the past? I am listening. You are right in that I am perhaps late to hear you now as so much time has past but maybe it will help others in the future?
We can speak about forgiveness and the originations soon if you really want to know more.

Perhaps you can be the leader to formulate a group of concerned church members. You can invite folks who are educated in sexual abuse. You can invite the detectives and local police in. You can work with therapists and other members of the community that have knowledge of what is helpful in order to heal.

In our local area (Copper Country) I would be able to contact folks who can help. What I need is there to be a gathering of folks who want to know.

On the right side of this blog, is a list of books that have been helpful to me.

I am not interested in the religion part of this for now. It wasn't helpful in my healing journey.

Gather together other caring church members and see where it goes.

I am here to offer what I can.

Mostly, I can encourage victims to become empowered, by owning what happened and becoming aware of their own body and mind. And, to recognize beliefs that are in direct opposition of self love and the freedom of choice.

What church do you belong to?

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Women In New Directions

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Report Sexual Abuse

Books, signposts along the way.

  • Annie Rogers: A Shining Affliction: A Story of Harm and Healing in Psychotherapy
  • Elizabeth Gilbert: Big Magic - Creative Living Beyond Fear
  • Brene Brown: Daring Greatly
  • Martha Beck: Leaving the Saints
  • Glennon Doyle Melton: Love Warrior
  • Byron Katie: Loving What Is
  • Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor: My Stroke Of Insight
  • Sheryl Sandberg, Adam Grant: Option B - Facing Adversity, Building Resilience, and Finding Joy
  • Brene Brown: Rising Strong
  • Patrick J. Carnes Ph.D: The Betrayal Bond
  • Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.: The Body Keeps Score
  • Bessel Van Der Kolk, M.D.: The Body Keeps Score - Brain, Mind, and Body in the Healing of Trauma
  • Alice Miller: The Body Never Lies
  • Dr. Shefalie Tsabary: The Conscious Parent
  • Laura Landgraf: The Fifth Sister- From Victim to Victor
  • Brene Brown: The Gifts of Imperfection
  • Christina Enevoldsen: The Rescued Soul - A writing journey for the Healing of Incest and Family Betrayal
  • Annie Rogers: The Unsayable: The hidden language of trauma
  • Steven Pressfield: The War of Art
  • Alice Miller: Thou Shalt Not Be Aware
  • Rythea Lee: Trauma into Truth - Gutsy Healing and Why Its Worth It
  • Iyanla Vanzant: Trust
  • Rob Bell: Velvet Elvis
  • Norah Vincent: Voluntary Madness- Lost and Found in the Mental Healthcare System
  • Terry L. Wise: Waking Up: Climbing through the Darkness
  • Dr. Karyl McBride: Will I Ever Be Good Enough
  • Shonda Rhimes: Year of Yes

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