"In order to forgive, something has to die"...Brene Brown, speaking with Oprah.
I agree with this.
The forgiveness I was taught, was that IF you forgave someone, then nothing changed. It kept reality the same. Like, the Sin never happened; it was washed away.
When forgiveness has a loss attached, a death of what was...it isn't wiping away anything, but bringing in a new truth that changes everything.
It dovetails with "Forgiveness is accepting that the past can be no different."
You have to accept it and in doing so something will die. A relationship, a dream, a future...
Forgiving them for changing your life.
One thing Brene talked about was regrets. She made it sound negative IF you had none. I don't.
But, I don't consider it a negative in my world.
The reason I have no regrets, is that I did the best I could with the understanding and awareness I had at the time. I didn't act less than I could, out of choice. It was the highest I could respond given where I was at the time.
Making people feel that regrets are a positive thing; equals to believing things could be different. The opposite of the forgiveness message that Oprah speaks of.
How can you forgive yourself, IF you have regrets?
Or, how can you fully love yourself if there are parts of you, you can't accept?
It is to look at your past and wish you were different.
I believe, in order to fully accept yourself, you have to fully acknowledge all the things you did and why.
I acted perfectly perfect, coming from whence I came.
I was displaying my awareness or the lack thereof. I was acting completely as someone who lived in denial would act. There is nothing I would change....IF I could.
It was reality unfolding as it would given the circumstances of my childhood, my teachings, my religion, my abuse...I acted completely normal coming from abnormal.
I just don't believe it is helpful to wish things were different....that is the road out of reality. And, you can't learn about yourself unless and until you walk hand and hand with reality of what is and what was.
There is much I do agree with in this interview....