What is the responsibility of Giving? Is there a responsibility in Giving? It seems that the giver almost carries more than the receiver.
Can an exhausted giver really blame the ones she is giving to?
In the case of being a mom, we tend to give and give and help and help, but what is that really doing? Is that making our children takers? If we don’t expect them to give how can they learn to be givers?
It seems the responsibility lies within the Giver to stop giving. Stop.
It was easier to give them an easier day, to take away their jobs, to ease the burden in their world, by doing things they could do, should do, would do, If I gave them the chance.
Hey, I can give still, just give them the chance to be responsible, be self-sufficient! I can give them self-empowerment.
If I can give that back to them, I must have been a taker not a giver.
I was taking away self-empowerment!
I think by just looking at this differently, by seeing what I am taking away instead of what I am giving, is crucial.
So each time I give I will have to first ask a few questions, such as, can they do this themselves, do they really need my help, am I making them helpless or allowing them to be responsible for Self.
What is so odd is that I then resent them for my giving too much, resent them for not doing enough for themselves as I walk behind them picking up their stuff. A maid. A resentful unpaid maid!
And as I took their lives, I resented that no time was left for me, and my life! Of course not, I was too busy messing up their lives, their self-esteem, by doing their jobs for them! Unreal!
As a mother my part is to give them their lives back, to stop doing their jobs! To stand in my spot, do what is expected of me. I just bet that I will have more time to do fun things for me. I just bet that the balance in this house will even out. Harmony will return, balance will once again be here. It is not reasonable to expect them to be in their lives if we don’t let them. We have to allow them to live in all parts of their worlds, not just the good parts. Nope, we have to give them the opportunities to live in all parts, the struggles, the hardships, the highs and the lows.
I failed to see how my giving was taking and that their taking was because they had no choice. Well, I guess they could have said, “please don’t let me sleep so long, please stop doing all my clothes, please stop cooking all my meals, please stop cleaning up my messes, please stop!” Little did I know as I was hollering at them to change, I was really hollering at myself.
I knew I was doing something wrong, I just couldn’t figure out how my doing so much was a bad thing for them, for it seemed they were the ones benefiting the most! Yet in the end we both were losing.
They had the most to lose, their self-esteem and power. The satisfaction of being a member, a contributing member in this house, of this family! If we were a team, I would have been the ball hog the one who is forever playing and the rest are sitting the bench!
What can our kids learn by sitting on the bench? Oh my God, I was a ball hog, and I have always hated the coaches who let the players sit the bench. I was a coach who never even let them play so busy was I playing their game!
I wanted them to play the game, but I was holding the ball tightly in my hands, hollering at them to play, after the game was already over.
Pretty hard to cleanup a cleaned up mess!
Perhaps I need a coach whistle to keep me reminded of my role.
I am a coach. I get to shout encouragement from the sidelines!
I no longer have to play all positions it sure was wearing me out!
I love that I am a coach. I get to sit the bench!
