For some reason I need to write about this Posttraumatic Relationship (Stress) Disorder, where we are backwards, and how we have the psychic blindness.
Do you get the ramifications of that?
In my case of this psychic blindness, the mind was blind, but my body knew. My body had the correct feelings.
This is very intriguing and maddening all at the same time.
To understand that the mind/brain can do this switch, it can take fear and abuse and hide it, that it can literally keep you from knowing that, enrages me at times.
I almost feel a victim of my mind more than my father.
Do you realize that my mind blocked it out? MY mind refused to accept what was happening, was traumatized by the event, so it didn’t record it.
I am not sure if and when that recording will resurface, will it be like the emotions that just pop up out of nowhere and engulf you in grief?
Due to the fact that my mind was blind, I was able to be with these people, feel uncomfortable but not know why.
I always felt that I had a problem, that here they were just being themselves and I wanted them to be different.
Wanting them to be different? I guess my body knew they were different than what appeared. I was always not satisfied, always expected and needed more from them, maybe all I needed was more from my mind.
It feels like my mind cheated on me, betrayed me, and hung me out to dry!
The one act, the one huge moment that it should have recorded all of it, it shut its eye.
Would it matter today if I had the picture, if I knew for certain what it covered up, or have I already made the movements I need to be at peace?
This psychic blindness hurt me much more than my father for it allowed me to continue being around him, to bring my children to him.
My mother and I had the same blindness and I was her biggest champion, I tried to make the outside fit her mental mind, I worked hard to create the family life for her while we were both blind to who our father was.
The ramifications of that blows your mind! Do you think that this psychic blindness is the subconscious mind?
Is the blindness hidden in our subconsicouness, for otherwise wouldn’t we know we were blind.
It seems like it was hidden out of sight of our normal knowing.
Otherwise wouldn’t it be like pretending it didn’t happen.
What is denial and what is pretend and what is psychic blindness in comparison?
DENIAL – noun: an assertion that something said, believed, alleged, etc, is false: despite his denials, we refuse to believe a doctrine, a theory or the like.
PRETEND verb: fake, falsify. Synonyms: act affect allege assume , be deceitful, be ... verb: play the part of. Synonyms: act , assume the role, imagine imitate
PSYCHIC BLINDNESS -forms of nervous disease in which, while the senses of sight and hearing remain unimpaired, the mind fails to appreciate the significance of the sounds heard or the images seen.
FAILS TO APPRECIATE!
I did not really think, as usual, that there really was or would be a meaning to the term ‘psychic blindness’.
I knew it was like being blind, or selective hearing and sight!
But damn the things it ‘fails to appreciate’ my God!
It horrifies me the significance of this nervous disease!
Hell, no wonder we are nervous, no wonder my body was in angst, no wonder I considered myself mental, my mind failed to appreciate the sights and sounds of abuse, of rape of being molested!
Failed to appreciate. How kind of a definition is that?!
No need to deny or pretend, for we failed to appreciate what it was we saw or heard.
What appears to be conscious denial is really psychic blindness.
I often stated that my family was walking around plugging their ears, closing their eyes and humming really loud to not hear and see what hit the papers and the courtroom that winter of 2001.
For me to see that paper and have my father sitting there in court, now labeled a “Sexual Predator” and then to read my mother’s account of him being a good man, that he clothed and fed 14 children, that is psychic blindness at play.
To see a brother stand in the court of the land and release back into society a man who molested his daughter, that is psychic blindness at play.
When my sisters called and wrote to me about my horridness, of turning against their father, of not seeing the good in him, that he was doing the best he can, that love is not conditional, that is psychic blindness in living color.
They failed to appreciate what they saw and heard!
Oh my, will that stay with me today.
The working mechanism of this disorder, the culprit is “psychic blindness,’ it is the cancerous cell, the root cause of our disorder!
What this does to a person, is that we are incapable of seeing or hearing bad things about the very person who molested us, we become faithful to the enemy, we then fight like hell against those who are trying to help us.
We have our sides all wrong, we support those who we shouldn’t and shun and run from those who want and can save us.
I see how it works in my family alone. My mother and I, our last conversations spoke of the differences of our perceptions, boy is that true. She is still locked into the psychic blindness and now I see.
I remembering feeling like I could see too much, yet it was so long overdue.
It overwhelmed me, to hear and see all that things that this disease had denied me for so long.
“I can see clearly now the pain is gone, all obstacles in my way!”
