My sister sent a request on facebook a few days ago, a ‘friend request’ and I accepted it with some trepidation.
I am not sure why she is stepping into my world after 4 years and I asked her that. I also asked if she still holds on the to views of her last letter.
So far there hasn’t been a response, perhaps my request is not one she is willing to answer.
In life we are asked many requests and in the past I would jump in without first asking a few questions or testing the waters, if you asked, I jumped and usually asked how high!
Now, I am much wiser and hold my heart in a place of value, I just don’t go walking into places that will hurt me.
Her silence could mean many things, yet I am surprised that her eagerness to have me back seems to be on pause.
What stopped her? What made her stop her advancement? What has her retreating or re-thinking….and she could be asking the same of me.
I know why I am not eagerly walking forward to embrace this woman, my experience of her still rings in my ears.
I invited her to read my blog as a way to find out if our ideals match, to see if she still wanted to be my friend.
Where can the two of us meet, what common ground is there for us to stand upon? Why does she now feel that she wants to be part of my life, and which part?
What part of my life do you want to enter into? You suggested that you love me, so which part? And that you have hopes of all the sisters reuniting, what will we reunite?
How can I unite with you, we seem such opposites.
I have always felt that if a brother or sister walked towards me I would meet them half way and not turn around.
I am standing here facing you, asking what it is you feel inside about me. It is a fair request.
What do you see in me?
In order to love me, you have to know me. You can’t just love what you dream of me to be.
I am not a thought in your head about what a sister should do, could do, or would do; I am a live walking talking moving person.
Do you know me outside of your dreams?
If you want to enter into a relationship with me, I ask just for your truth, show me who you are.
If you are reading the blog, go back to the beginning and read along, it will open your eyes as to who I am, and I will understand if you withdraw your request.
It seems that I became the enemy, the other side, and I know that you will have to forsake all you have ever known to walk along with me.
It is way too much to ask.
It is and will always be up to you to be with me.
I understand your silence.
I am the monster you fear the most.
I am reality.
I am reality walking and doing free of dysfunction, an enemy of your mind, your thoughts and your beliefs, your love and your security. I am the opposite of all you have even been.
Your silence will be a signal that you are not wanting to be with me. I understand.
I know where you are sitting…. I sat there.
I know what you are thinking, I thought there.
I know where your loyalties lie, I was loyal too.
I know you for I know me.
I wish you peace with this decision.
I wish you strength and courage.
I walked free….so I know you can too.
You are much braver than me!
A sister, one who walked as you.
