I am reading a book by Donald Miller called “A Million Miles and A Thousand Years.”
He speaks of being a writer.
“If I wanted my character to advance the plot by confronting another character, the character wouldn’t necessarily obey me. I’d put my fingers on the keyboard, but my character, who was supposed to go to Kansas, would end up in Mexico, sitting on a beach drinking a margarita. I’d delete whatever dumb thing the character did and start over, only to have him grab the pen again and start talking nonsense to some girl in a bikini. He’d do this, remember, in a story about a performance artist-turned-ecoterrorist.
And as I worked on the novel, as my character did what he wanted and ruined my story, it reminded me of life in certain ways. I mean as I sat there in my office feeling like God making my worlds, and as my characters fought to have their own way, their senseless, selfish way of nonstory, I could identify with them. I fought with my ecoterrorist who wanted a boring life of self indulgence, and yet I was also that character, fighting God and I could see God sitting at his computer, staring blankly at his screen as I asked him to write in some money and some sex and some comfort.
I like the part of the Bible that talks about God speaking the world into existence, as though everything we see and feel were sentences from his mouth, all the wet of the world his spit.
I feel written. My skin feels written, and my desires feel written. My sexuality was a word spoken by God, that I would be male, and I would have brown hair and brown eyes and come from a womb. It feels literary, doesn’t it, as if we are characters in books.
You can call it God or a conscience, or you can dismiss it as intuitive knowing we all have as human beings, as living storytellers; but there is a knowing I feel that guides me toward better stories, toward being a better character. I believe there is a writer outside ourselves, plotting a better story for us, interacting with us, even, whispering a better story into our consciousness.
As a kid, the only sense I got from God was guilt, something I dismissed as a hypersensitive conscience I got from being raised in a church with a controlling pastor. But that isn’t the voice I am talking about. That voice really was the leftover hypersensitive conscience I got from being raised in a church with a controlling pastor.
The real Voice is stiller and smaller and seems to know, without confusion, the difference between right or wrong and the subtle delineation between the beautiful and the profane. It’s not an agitated Voice, but ever patient as though it approves a million false starts. The Voice I am talking about is deep water of calming wisdom that says, Hold your tongue: don’t talk about that person that way; forgive the friend you haven’t talked to; don’t look at that woman as a possession; I want to show you a sunset; look and see how short life is and how your troubles are not worth worrying about…..
So as I was writing my novel, and as my characters did what he wanted, I became more and more aware that somebody was writing me. So I started listening to the Voice, or rather I started calling it the Voice and admitting there was a Writer. I admitted something other than me was showing a better way. And when I did this, I realized the Voice, the Writer who was not me, was trying to make a better story, a more meaningful series of experiences I could live through.
At first, even though I could feel God writing something different, I’d play the scene the way I wanted. This never worked. It would always have been better to obey the Writer, the one who knows the better story. I’d talk poorly about somebody and immediately know I’d done it because I was insecure, and I’d know I was a weak character who was jealous and undisciplined.
So I started obeying a little. I’d feel God wanting me to hold my tongue, and I would. It didn’t feel natural at first; it felt fake, like I was being a character somebody else wanted me to be and not who I actually was; but if I held my tongue, the scene would play better, and I always felt better when it was done. I started feeling like a better character, and when you are a better character, your story gets better too.
Don Miller
I way understand what he is saying, that if we give up our direction we think the character called Me is heading and instead just be written into each moment, you will be surprised how much better the story called ‘your life’ will turn out.
What I also got from his book thus far was that the writer doesn’t know where you are going, but he does know your character and what would make you a better character, and like he said, and a better story called you.
When I am in doubt about what I should do, I do nothing right away, instead of projecting myself in to somewhere I am unsure of the outcome, I step back and see if a better idea comes.
I just didn’t know that as a character, I was waiting on the Writer.
Also, if you allow the ‘Writer/God’ to direct you, you will be asked to face conflict, overcome weakness, face challenges, live real and feel, to learn more about the character called self.
Learning about yourself in moments that require your character to participate and not head to the nearest beach for it is much easier.
Your character is an artistic rendition of allowing the Universe to write upon the slate of who you will become.
Be a submissive character to a powerful Writer, and you will become a powerful character and your life a powerful story!
