I remember hearing that family issues get magnified during the Holidays.
Yesterday it seemed to be a full frontal attack, between phone messages, facebook messages, cards and letters; I was caught off guard, again.
Their cards and letters seem to come with a force of entry.
They leave me feeling so misunderstood, once more an odd duck.
What they see as my conditions, are merely conditions or affects of becoming functional after years of being dysfunctional.
It isn’t like I am asking them to chose, but function is asking that of them, wholeness is asking that of them, and they are simply not willing to answer the call.
From their point of view it seems that I made up some silly rules that are very personal and self-serving and designed to shut them out.
It is my experience when recovering from dysfunctional upbringing; you can’t bring the same dysfunctional people and relationships into a new you. You have to set up boundaries and limitations.
You wouldn’t start a second marriage doing the same wrong things from the first, hopefully you have learned from your mistakes. Made changes within and require more for yourself.
My so-called conditions of leaving behind dysfunctional family members are seen, as I do so not love them ‘unconditionally’!
What does unconditional mean in a relationship?
What do they mean when they love without conditions or limitations on what the other can do to them?
They do not see that they leave themselves wide open for continual abuse, because they do not place limitations on what can or cannot be done to them.
I do now have conditions and limitations on what can and will be done to me; I am self-empowered now to do that.
My voice is loud and clear and I can now see and decide who I want to spend time with and who I don’t.
Perhaps it is felt very conditional when you are the one I have placed boundaries against, that is how it should feel. It is a protection for me.
What I want most is for my siblings to see that they too have the rights for placing conditions on how others treat them.
It is a great act of Self Love.
Unconditional is the get of jail free card for all abusers and ones who support abuse.
It leaves the victim feeling they have no rights to put up boundaries. An open target, once again, vulnerable and hopeless.
What you call my conditions, are the ways I stop abuse happening to me.
I love that I have the option of being with you or not.
I love that I now am able to have limitations on what others can do to me.
I love my self enough.
