“Joy is not about feeling good; it is about feeling everything.” Michael Brown
Do you realize how much there is to feel in one day, the way we ebb and flow into various states of feeling, and we are not in control of when or how this happens.
From enjoying the quietness, the ticking of the clock, the tree lights, the warm tea, to the hot shower, feelings of contentment and peace.
And get geared up for a day of mail, to stepping out in the cold and feeling, let’s get started so we can be done, eager but not real enthused.
Feeling the heaviness of the volume of mail knowing it will challenge your energy and concentration.
To see once again her handwriting and feeling ‘what now’ again, a feeling of foreboding arises, ghosts forever sneaking into the present moment, jolting you out of work, and it lingers unaddressed.
Then spotting two packages to hand deliver to a brother’s house; I feel the sense of entering into a hostile space, feelings of fear of confrontation and defense, which quickly changes to relief when the help comes and those packages disappear from my pile.
As my car slips and slides and others race by I feel the precariousness of safety slipping away. Nervous feelings keep me alert and on defense.
Frustrated feelings surface as I am unable to reach the boxes easily, the bulk of the warm jacket makes movement difficult, and these movements are repeated all day.
Then I deliver a package and I see the visible happiness and gratitude, I feel I am of service, needed.
When I am barely escaping the ditch and getting stuck I feel tension feeling every movement of the car trying to stay in the ruts and the relief to get out of their driveway and back on plowed roads.
To open a mailbox and find a “Mail Lady” present, chocolates and I feel so appreciated.
To arrive home to Happy Birthday being shouted, and them waiting eagerly with presents, smiles and excitement I am filled with warm love and gratitude. It isn’t the presents but their presence, I feel.
Feelings of hunger that slip away as we share our dinner, feelings of comfort and relaxing in his presence, to feelings of not being alone, to feelings of our many years together, the ups and downs and how we continue to want to be together, feelings upon feelings upon feelings.
I am thinking our life is made up of feelings connected to feelings. We are always feeling something or maybe trying not to feel.
If we simply allow all feelings to arrive, to feel This and This and then That and This, we will be alive and aware and living in this moment again and again.
It just never stays the same. It seems I am not in one spot long enough to get comfortable and the next one comes along.
And it is always a surprise or unexpected, moments of warmth that invade the chest area that work their way up to the throat, sometimes to deliver tears and kinds words, or ask favors, just be with each feeling that comes along.
Even feelings that arise that I seem to instinctively want to reject arrive anyway, I feel and explore my response.
I simply have to feel them, pay attention to them and then act in a way that seems fitting for the feeling.
Love that, “seems fitting for the feeling”.
Joy, I guess is finding the perfect fit!
It isn’t asking us to change the feeling, but instead to feel everything, feel it, accept it, let it come into your space, for it seems always to be the uninvited guest, the present.
