What I have been marveling at for the past few days, is how time goes by no matter what we are doing, and we use up energy trudging in one direction or another, but depending upon where you are heading, you will get different results.
You all may have discovered this, but for some reason when I made changes to what I did physically, instead of just mentally, the results can’t be denied.
Not only do I feel different, I am beginning to look different.
Doing workouts for mental wellness and to balance your self emotionally inside, doesn’t show up outside.
There are of course subtle differences, which others feel radiating from you, and you feel different, but your body size is the same etc. There are no before and after pictures to show.
As shocking as it is to find myself so out of shape physically, it is nothing compared to how out of shape mentally and emotionally I was.
This challenge seems easier to walk, I become prettier as I go, where digging in the mess, it seemed I found aspects of my self that were horrifying and my past behaviors so blatantly dysfunctional.
The term ‘Self-Realization’ always seemed like a sacred term, where one would find them selves equal to the Divine God; smear free without an error or a speck of guilt, standing perfectly perfect, certainly not imperfect.
But to me there are two ways to self realize; one to see yourself behaving badly, and two to see yourself treating yourself kindly.
Own your actions.
My first 46 years were actions that reaped love and approval from my parents, but neglected my self.
Martha Beck would call that living as a Social Self, in her book, “Finding Your Own North Star.”
When I discovered that I was supporting their lives, but not living my own separate life, I then realized I didn’t know my essential self outside of their system.
What I am certain of is this yoga unveils the Essential Self.
When you lock you knee, you will be able to stand against the ‘social self’ the one that seeks approval and love of others and be strong in voice and action for the Essential Self.
Each day that I bring myself to yoga, I will uncover more of my essential Being.
Who am I?
What is my Purpose?
What is the reason for my Birth?
It is so exciting to have a life of my own.
I am who I was born to be!
I realize I am me.
Day 23
