“The first principle is that you must not fool yourself, and you're the easiest person to fool.”
Richard Feynman
It is amazing to me how a fool will take my place, how the mental lady slips into my awareness and shields me from the truth and unbeknownst to me, a different view of reality is transposed upon a kind world.
This happens when I am wide-awake, it happens slyly as I bend back into an old relationship, I revert back to my old persona and with it comes tricky glasses and my awareness turns the opposites into truths.
I am the fool and the fooled, which seems the weirdest of all circus tricks!
What is even weirder is that I believe the foolish tricks and lose sight and faith in reality, while focused on the trick being played out in front.
The trick feeds upon my fears, each lending themselves to each other in a whirlwind or a cyclone spinning madness upon my reality, neither stops to see if there is evidence to the contrary in reality, just whirling around false truths and replacing good with bad and bad with good, like flipping a switch, my whole world becomes hostile and I am immediately tossed the coat of armor to stand in defense.
My enemies are those that love me, my friends those who are indifferent, flopped upside down again, I am mad.
Not mad in anger, but a mad woman who focuses her energies to change what is; breaking reality once again, by not seeing the truth as it lays naked.
This mad woman doesn’t accept what is but stands with potential of change. She believes in potential of change, not in what is right in front of her.
How would you hold on to the potential for change? Does potential for change have roots? How does one know the direction potential of change is heading? Is that a spot to sit upon?
If I sat in the spot of “potential to change” what am I doing at that moment? Am I moving or acting in reality, or am I just simply evading change.
This land ‘potential for change’ is where I stored my whole family (childhood family). And in doing so it spared me from feeling reality.
If there is potential for change, there is hope.
And where there is hope, reality slips away.
(I had to go back to an old post to grab this quote that I loved, and I still do.)
“If you give up hope, you will likely find your life is infinitely richer. Here’s why: When you live in hope, it’s usually because you’re avoiding reality.” Gay Hendricks
I was avoiding the finality of indifference.
While I was hoping their indifference would change, I was indifferent to the love at hand.
In my reality my home has love where indifference once stood.
When mad, I am indifferent to love.
