Acceptance and I are staring at each other; it dangles both pain and freedom. I see the two sides and feel caught in between, stuck standing still.
I see with big lady intellect and with little girl dreams, I feel the struggles between them.
The lady’s wise words and focus on actions fall on the little girl’s deaf ears.
Or perhaps I don’t want to be the one to end the little girls dreams, to crash and burn her long wait, to give her nothing but acceptance.
Acceptance, hollow, empty, cold and unloving.
Can I break my little girls heart? Is it my only heart?
Acceptance shatters all dreams.
Acceptance makes daddy’s monsters forever.
Acceptance makes moms cold and distant, always.
Acceptance hurts in reality.
I always thought what I feared most was my mental lady, instead what I feared the most was the shattered spirit of the hopeful dreaming little girl.
To live empty, hollow, forsaken, alone, cold and hurt a girl with broken dreams.
Is it possible to separate the little girl from her dreams, to untangle the loveless dream and set her free?
To let the dream go, like a flyaway balloon…
But keep the little girl spirit, her optimism, and her dreaming quality?
My little girl survived holding on to that dream.
And now her survival depends on her letting it go!
I know God will not give me anything I can't handle. I just wish that He didn't trust me so much.
~Mother Teresa
