I finally figured out what I can’t accept in having to accept.
I can’t accept that someone can’t change.
And I guess that is not the meaning of acceptance. I want acceptance with a clause.
I want to accept who you are, but that you can change.
This is incredibly insane.
This isn’t acceptance it’s conditional acceptance.
It seems to be hopeless to accept others as they are.
I am not sure if you can follow this, but in my head it makes sense as to why I am forever waiting and hoping, for I believe to the depth of my being that changes are possible.
Even if the other person has yet to make one step, I am of thinking, ‘they can’.
Yet can they?
It almost seems like I have to become a pessimist or at very least, a realist and see who they are, not their potential with change.
Imagine, “their potential with change” that is so not accepting who they are in this moment, but dreaming and believing that who they are isn’t who they want to be.
Instead who they are ISN’T who I want them to be.
I want them to be different.
I want them to change to satisfy my ideas of what would make them a better this or a better that.
This is an ongoing problem with me living in the land of potential changes, instead of being real right now.
It is what it is. I had said a million times. But what I felt is, ‘it is what it is, until it isn’t’!
Living in a hopeful state that someone will change, leaves you feeling hopeless.
Somehow I have to work on accepting others not ever changing, and by seeing it is I with the problem, not them.
They are quite happy being as they are.
As Byron Katie says, “who are you to ruin a good buzz, they are happy drinking!”
I am the one that struggles with accepting that they are okay where they are, that they have no thoughts of changing, and have told me so repeatedly in words, thoughts and deeds!
UGH.
This will sit with me today.
I accept who they are, but that they can change.
Which is totally counterintuitive!
I will only accept what is if what is changes!
It would be funny if it wasn’t such a tragedy and if it hadn’t cost me so much peace.
Believing in changes at the cost of my peace!
