As I have been pondering, tossing and turning around in my head, how it is possible that the 4th generation is just beginning a relationship with the same pedophile, it occurred to me it was love and compassion that has kept this legacy going.
I know it sounds nuts that such a kind sentiment can be the cause of this legacy continuing on, but it is.
The third generation is just following the path of the second and the second of the first, the first being my mother.
As my nephew goes to visit his grandpa, he is only doing what he has witnessed his mother do and his grandmother do since he was born.
There is nothing unusual in his steps.
His daughter will also watch and see how her father engages with this man and will follow his lead. Her steps will echo his.
There doesn’t need to be any words spoken, written or shouted to the moon, nope, just seeing how the adults in the room treat her great-grandfather is all she needs, she will mimic them all.
Does it matter if her great-grandfather is on the sexual predator list, that he needs to be supervised around her, or that he has a long history of damaged little girls behind him?
Nope, none of that information will stack up against the fact that her father is okay with this man, that her grandmother is fine having a relationship with him, and that is all that matters.
She will use them as her gauge, her monitor and her guide in what is acceptable in life and what is not. She is being groomed to be comfortable with a pedophile, she is being taught not to fear him and she won’t.
This one fact alone is what has allowed him to continue on, no one fears him they all love him.
The ones that love him allow him access now, then and always, for they love without conditions.
While most are looking at my father and his actions and watching diligently for him to make his move, no one is looking at the ones he is with.
My mother was the first adult to know of his actions within our family tree, and her reaction were what we all followed to a tee.
She never left him, had a consequence for his behavior within their relationship, she didn’t warn us of his disease, there were no outward signs in her behavior that would have sent us a signal, not one.
Not once as far as my limited memory serves me did she ever act in fear of this man, not one time, never.
What she instead always showed, was love, respect and normal petty complaints that two married people have, she never once suggested to me that his disease was ruining our lives, that it had ruined many, that the potential was there, that she feared for the safety of her girls, their girls and their girls, and their friends….
Not once.
Her actions have always been to love and support him, to show him compassion and caring, always.
We only see actions, actions, actions.
Words are meaningless unless and until an action follows.
So as you tell me my fears are unfounded, that I have no reason to worry, I will tell you this.
You are your mother’s daughter, you are doing exactly as she did and you will receive the same exact outcome.
The legacy continues through you, your children and now your grandchildren.
You are the one teaching them NOT to fear a pedophile, know it and own it.
The little baby is without words but she is learning much already, she is watching you always!
