Before I discovered that my father was a pedophile, I had night terrors, where I would wake up FROZEN in terror. I literally could not move my arms, or even one finger tip, I was flattened onto the bed, exposed, heart racing and almost unable to breathe, there seemed to be a heavy air in the room permeated with fear.
These occurred regularly, but not nightly, and I had no idea what made them happen.
When I was awoken in this state of terror, I knew if I could move one arm or finger and touch my husbands back, I would be okay, but I was literally paralyzed.
It was in the middle of the night, that suddenly I was wide awake, on very high alert, frozen in terror, not knowing if ‘something’ was in the room to fear, or was it dream. It would catch me unaware.
Maybe it was my body showing me what lay underneath, how it feels to lose the options of fight or flight.
What I find really fascinating is that these night terrors have literally disappeared, I have not had one single one since the day I discovered that the fear I had of my father was justified.
How utterly remarkable the body is in how it maintains this information and how it expresses it perfectly until you get it.
Until you fully understand the journey you both have been on. For up and until then, my body was the only one who knew, my awareness understood terror, I just didn’t understand the source.
I am in great awe of the wonderful tool we all have to use to navigate our journey of life.
Our bodies hold our stories.
