My brother wrote about the word annihilation and I had never looked at what it meant, yet I too have used the word, but now I want to see how it is applied.
Words to me are much more than words, they seem to have power in and behind them, and it’s feelings that give words energy, not the word itself.
We use words to describe feelings, to express how the body feels. Words to me are secondary in living life; they are the running commentator to what is actually going on.
Often times it seems people’s commentators are liars and they speak the opposite of their feelings, in kindness, to spare another their true feelings, or to spare themselves making light of what is bad.
When the feelings and the comment about the feelings don’t match, you are lying in words but your feelings are still there unchanged and unexpressed.
"Annihilation is defined as "total destruction" or "complete obliteration" of an object; having its root in the Latin nihil (nothing). A literal translation is "to make into nothing"."
When I spoke of my experience of fear/terror of my father, it never felt like it was taken serious and that I could easily transfer words back to make things right.
And when I use the word rape and abuse, or pedophile instead of father, or neglect instead of mothering, I have the problem. I am using the wrong words.
The word annihilation is even a kind word for liar.
My family prefers liars and will annihilate those who use the incorrect words.
The word family covers up the feelings of incest, rape, neglect, and I am annihilated when I dare expose what lay beneath the word father.
It seems the greatest error is to annihilate the truth, to make into nothing my truths.
I am not annihilated, the truth is.
To be a truthful commentator means you have to walk and act in harmony with your feelings.
Which is why I had asked my sisters if they too recalled feelings similar to mine, for if they didn’t, I could greatly understand their comments of father.
I am made into nothing due to being abused.
Here is the choice, being annihilated by my family for speaking my feelings or becoming a liar.
Annihilation is their action, being a liar would be mine.
I would have to lie to return to the family and annihilate my truth.
