I am drawn to stories of adult children who have escaped cult like religions and who speak out about the abuse they endured, and the juxtaposition between religion and abuse.
The severity of the abuse almost seems equal to the severity of the religious beliefs, the stricter the more deviant the abuse.
There seems to be a common theme of obeying.
As Brent W. Jeffs writes in his book “Lost Boy” when speaking of his mother.
“Her life was focused on following the church’s command to Keep Sweet. This meant to submitting to its rules and leader and through him, God, not grudgingly but happily.”
“Submitting happily.”
Under the veil of religion unspeakable things happen, and due to the ‘nature’ of religion we are seen worse for not submitting happily.
They focus on how we respond, not what has happened. How do we accept being abused, am I a good abused girl?
What does it mean in the eyes of the church to be a good abused girl?
What is beyond what a mind can hold is that the focus and guilt or shame is put upon the child IF she can’t keep sweet.
I am the one with the problem, it’s my response, NOT him in his crime against me. It is how I responded that is seen as a major fault.
What I still find so utterly unfathomable is the guilt or wrongness I feel for not keeping sweet.
It is almost like feeling bad for not living the lie anymore, a feeling of being guilty for no longer pretending.
The focus is on us no longer keeping sweet and that is a crime that is against the family rules, a sin that is punishable by shunning or being excommunicated.
They don’t shun the criminal, but the one who fails to respond as the religion dictates.
I had an adult woman tell me that there is no sin to big to forgive. Laying the guilt upon me, IF I could not forgive this deed and remain a loving daughter.
The religion doesn’t leave room for the child, no matter what age to move away from the abuser.
While the forgiveness wipes the abuser clean, it leaves the abused pretending to be clean when we are not.
The whole system that religion operates under, works wonderfully well for abusers and offers nothing for the abused.
When I spoke up I paved my way out of the religion and out of my family. I broke both their rules.
Keeping our family sweet.
