This Christmas finds me in a different spot, a place of being too tired to care about Christmas, where joy and love and peace would be found not having Christmas.
It isn’t so much Christmas itself, but that I am the one to create the Christmas feeling and I am too tired to be of good cheer.
It is like Santa lost his jolly.
The desire and spirit within me has faltered along with my lost energy, and I feel the weight of responsibility to carry it all.
Not sure why, perhaps because in the past I had the time and the know how, I simply did it.
Now that woman is gone, she went to work.
She is unavailable to whip up Christmas on the side.
And I feel the pressure to bake, not the joy.
I feel forced to do things I used to enjoy.
It isn’t pleasure now, but added work.
I found myself unprepared.
Maybe it is time for traditions to change or be passed on.
Fighting with, instead of succumbing to, what is.
Letting go of orchestrating the family Christmas and bringing in new recruits.
My new santa makers leave everything til the last, for there are still four days, I was told yesterday. I guess in a young person’s eyes, that is a long time.
I think I will have to re-adjust my way of doing Christmas, it will be more inclusive and I will take a back seat.
I just can’t lose my spirit for Christmas.
Instead I will change the traditions, letting many of them go, bring in simpler things that keep the spirit alive.
After all, a cookie is a cookie, and it is insane to think it will matter if it arrives or not for Christmas.
So, we will be joyful with whatever we accomplish in the next three days. I must relax and let the it be as it will be.
It will be much better than having a grumpy lady in our home for Christmas.
And let me tell you, I was grumpy last night trying to be a Christmas baker after a long heavy day of mail.
No more.
We now have some grumpy cookies and if that is all that happens I am fine.
Much better to be happy than grumpy with the trimmings.
The trimmings got a hold of me and almost ruined Christmas.
