I was asked after my last blog, if others will think I am crazy, and perhaps they will. However, unless you have lived a life deeply in denial where your head view of life is not what is actually going on, where you body is experiencing one thing and you are telling yourself something totally different, you will not get my post, my blog or my experiences.
What I feel happened to me was that when I found out my father was a pedophile my body’s feelings made sense, although in my head there was no evidence of it.
The totally extreme opposites of what I thought life was compared to what it really was was mind blowing.
It blew all my beliefs, thoughts and views to pieces and I was left with a head that had to relearn how to see reality.
I taught my head by how my body felt, instead of allowing it access to create a scenario that opposed reality.
If I sound crazy, well that is okay for I was for 46 years, and it is crazy to go back and discover the way I was formed, how my mind made things up, how it was detached, how it and my body saw life drastically different.
I feel that the root of all madness or insanity is to live a life where the mind and body are not aligned.
In cases of child abuse or where the adult says one thing but does another, is where insanity or madness begins.
Love hurts is an example.
Relying on someone who repeatedly lets you down.
Where we are unable to put up boundaries we then make up stories to live with instead.
So much so, that we live in an alternative reality.
If at anytime you let your feelings down, by not voicing them, by fooling your self that you don’t feel what you feel, you are dabbling in insanity.
What I learned most in these 6 years, is that I not only have the right, it is best if I walk hand and hand with my feelings, and my thoughts and beliefs will follow.
I have learned that by watching actions and feeling the sensations in my body, I can navigate myself in reality and be authentic in words, thoughts, feelings and actions, we all agree.
Sanity does not have to pretend a feeling doesn’t exist.
What some call social niceties are close to insane allowances, pretending to pretend not to see/feel/know what you know.
I again feel that some of what we call ‘Mentally Handicapped’, are actually more sane than most, for they don’t seem to have the flipping switch to pretend.
They call life as they see it, as do little children, they are not looking to spare another’s feelings; they are just calling it like it is.
Sparing another’s feelings by making up a lie…just seems odd to me, are we not making up a new reality?
Anyway, call me crazy I don’t mind, but I am no longer interested in sparing someone’s feelings.
I spared my father, I didn’t want to disappoint him, to make him unhappy, and look where it led?
I would rather hurt your feelings than tamper with reality.
