The reason I began this blog or writing for that matter, was that I found myself upside down in an upright world, my insides didn’t match reality, my dysfunction led me around the world not me.
This me, I called the mental woman and she resided in me, in my thoughts and in my beliefs, she had ownership of this vessel and steered my actions from a fear based setting.
I lived governed by fear and did most things to ward off the impending doom, for if and when the doom arrived, I would die.
You see, once upon a time, a little girl was in a delightful safe world and out of nowhere, in the midst of her caring kindness an ugly monster appeared, plunging her into a state of terror.
Once this terror is felt and no one releases you from it, you then set forth with the Fight or Flight Switch always on ON.
My past six years has been to re-set that switch, to not respond in terror, but in love.
When my daughter’s psyche hung in the balance, when I could see the abuse’s affects, my Mental Lady, my Wounded child, and My Loving Awareness all arose.
It was the epic battle within me.
One moment I was writhing in terror, frozen, feet ice cold dripping in sweat, a child without a way out.
The next I was a mental woman taking control with needs that overshadow my daughter, fear that I had somehow allowed this to happen, it was my fault.
And the most wonderful delightful experience I have ever felt was to be present with my child, to sit with her and her pain and see nothing but innocence, feel nothing but love.
The contrast of these three individuals that I vacillated between had me swing to the highest of highs to the lowest of lows.
It was like my past ghosts and my present awareness engaged in many battles, taking me on a wild life review.
My views of her, my views of self, my extraordinary view of my husband, was like an epic play and I played each role.
I feel utterly blessed and filled with gratitude that the most predominate woman within me is Loving Awareness.
To live the rest of my life in this mode, riding behind
Big as a house Heart, means to me that the Universal love, the essence of nature, the God Spirit, is leading me forward, that the clutches of evil and fear have been released.
I am a woman who has been to the depths of hell and have emerged brighter, more loving and kind to my self.
I know if I can travel this road, than my daughter and all girls and women who find them selves like I did, can do it.
You do it by loving your Imperfections until they become perfectly you!
