I have missed 12 days in the 32 days that have passed of this 60-Day Yoga Challenge, and I have no desire to try and catch up, but to continue on.
The days I missed were days when I was too emotionally traumatized to even begin to focus on yoga and my body, what I needed to do was find my balance inside, to seek my peace and find where I stood mentally.
What these past few weeks have shown me is how far I have come, how close our family is, how when one is suffering it affects us all, and it is at that time it is crucial we all maintain our strength so we can help the wounded.
I heard a woman speak to Oprah yesterday who wrote the book, “Simple Abundance, Sarah BanBreathnach on you can tell how a woman feels inside by how she feels inside her own home.
It is interesting to know that how at peace you are in your home, how comfortable and what is allowed in your home all represents your state of self inside.
It came to me in Yoga today, that my mother didn’t have boundaries and our home didn’t have boundaries, she overlooked or failed to see when bad energies stole in.
And even when informed of them, she didn’t stand up for integrity of home, for inside of her she lacked her own sense of value.
Sarah also told Oprah that the greatest wound that women suffer is the lack of self-esteem.
And this self-esteem seems to be the first tragedy of abuse, that it is stolen in the first act and if you fail to tell, you then commit the next act to yourself.
You continue to give away your self until there is nothing left to give.
What I was doing for the past few weeks instead of doing yoga, was to find my way through a sea of abuse, wrestling with my emotional wounded self and the woman I had been, to find a new way of dealing when tragedy strikes.
To not deal emotionally as a wounded child nor even as cold hearted dictator controlling self, but to reach beyond and find a new way to interact.
By keeping my view on me, what I can and cannot do, what I can and cannot partake in, and speaking about my feelings and my view of reality, I was able to navigate myself into acting much more reasonable and as an adult.
I was able to witness myself as a loving adult dealing with abuse, and also as a loving adult dealing with abuse and its affects, seeing how my daughter wasn’t able to stop abusing herself, I stood my ground in not taking responsibility for her actions and handing them back.
The lessons and gifts I have gotten are so multi-faceted and how my daughter was my greatest teacher.
She now stands alone and separate a young woman who will now set forth and make choices that will define her life.
It isn’t the mistakes we make but how we walk from that moment on.
Each day is a new day to begin making a new choice.
Choices are the only way the soul grows, is another thing that Sarah said.
I may have to look up this wise woman and read her words.
Life isn’t about the big stuff, but in each little choice we make, we are either building up our self or giving it away.
You know Sarah also stated that the givers have to also receive that if you can’t get something back from those you give to they will eventually drain you.
So, as we give we have to learn how to receive the same energy back.
Like a boomerang we have to learn to catch it!
