Addiction is an uncontrollable compulsion to repeat a behavior regardless of its negative consequences. The condition of being abnormally dependent on something…being abnormally tolerant to and dependent on.
My brother brought to my attention that addiction is to be abnormally tolerant.
Abnormally tolerant regardless of its negative consequence…to me it is to be addicted to negative results.
Imagine being addicted to negative outcomes!
Being abnormally tolerant of negative results.
Dr. Maya Angelou says, “Children’s talent to endure stems from their ignorance of alternatives.”
What she calls our talent to endure, becomes our abnormal tolerance to negative consequences.
We have a unique talent to tolerate bad behaviors or treatment to ourselves. I find this highly intriguing, that it isn’t the substance, but the abnormal tolerance to the substance that is our demise.
Abnormal tolerance…to negative outcomes.
What a cycle.
When we have this abnormal tolerance we can withstand and endure what most normal folks couldn’t begin to fathom, and the rougher of a childhood, the stronger this endurance is the more negative treatment we can withstand.
And mixed in the mix is love. In fact we endure for love.
We are taught that parents love, that families love and we endure all treatment for the sake of love.
What I know in my experience is that I tolerated a lot in the name of love.
What is so striking as well, is that when I began separating myself from the bad behavior I couldn’t find the love.
I guess what is the most tragic of all is you suffered, endured, tolerated, and withstood huge amounts of pain, in order to be loved, and in the end all that lay on the ground is abuse.
The negative consequences to abnormally tolerating or being able to live under such dire circumstances is that we don’t know how to be normal. To rise up to the tolerant level, to know what is normal treatment, to thin out our thick skin, to make boundaries from a normal point of view.
I was tough and I could endure and tolerate lots, but I had to find out how to become weak and vulnerable, to soften and feel the slightest insult and own it.
I had to become aware of my softness inside and protect it, refusing to tolerate again for the sake of love.
I had to become normally intolerant of abuse.
