"If you recognize the UNreal with any sincerity in your heart, you need not look for the real." (Mooji)
What a simple idea to recognize the unreal…and yet I was born onto parents who were unreal, so my real was unreal and there was no place to find real.
My parents lived their lives hiding their real and so we lived hiding our real, in fact our religion had the perfect tool we could use to hide real, it was called forgiviness of sins.
These sins then are no longer part of us, they became unreal and our real is minus all sins.
The real you has no sins…you have repented and handed them over to Jesus, so you can remain whiter than snow and your sins have been washed away.
Anything that was dark or off color could be washed away.
I lived in this washed out world of unreality.
It was washed so many times, you lost sight of what was real and what was unreal. In fact the real you had to keep forgiving to make it unreal.
I am not sure you can follow along, but the main theme of my childhood religion was to keep forgiving all that wasn’t right, and in doing so made it right once again.
In this fluid ever changing landscape nothing real ever stayed real long enough, I lived thoroughly in a moveable reel.
Incredible the way this works for the deviant.
In fact I was raised to believe so much in the magical power of forgivenss of sins that no reality was ever too great to forgive, to make right again.
Most will concentrate on the feelings of forgiveness but not in the actual application of it.
To apply forgiveness is to wash away an action you have done, it leaves you standing as if it never happened.
Where does this sin go?
How does it magically not be part of you anymore?
Can you literally delete that part of yourself?
My childhood religion concentrated highly on forgiveness and did have sins as well, but it was the application of applying forgiveness upon the unsightly deeds that created havoc in my world.
For it allowed all kinds of behaviors that were harmful for a child.
My incredulousness of this leaves me with no words.
For I lived 46 years in unreality that they taught me to create.
My mother’s strengths come from this religion and my father needed this magical wand to return him to being whiter than snow after raping little girls.
It isn’t the reality of what I endured, but the unreality.
How insane the ideology of this religion is…how it works incredibly well for the rapist and is extremely unaffective for those of us who have been raped.
What did it do for me?
Did it undo my rape or did it make me have to make whiter than snow a rapist, make a pedophile a father?
There are two sides of all things, and when you see the application of a sin being erased from the sinner, it doesn’t show you how it feels as one who was sinned upon.
As my father was heaven bound and cleaner than the white driven snow, I was left in hell, dirty and untreated.
I was left with a father who hurts and who is forgiven by a multitude of Knowing adults.
Knowing adults who can change a rapist back into a father with a few words, “Your sins are all forgiven in Jesus name and precious blood.”
And he is once again set upon Heavens path.
And where am I?
What magical words can you say to me, to heal me, to make me whiter than snow? Where are your words for me?
I am speaking for all the ones who have been sinned upon.
Who are left with the affects of the sin, who go untreated.
Untreated is to go without the truth being lived out.
Untreated is to not make real that which is real.
We are forced to live in unreality when you bless away that which is real.
Imagine taking away that which is real from a child…
Making them live in the make belief world.
My whole childhood was based upon make belief things, creating a wonderful fantasy land.
It has taken me six years so far to recognize the unreal and it falls away and all that I get left with is the real.
What I know for sure is that real cannot be blessed away, it remains standings strong.
