The word compliment and its twisting definition is trying to find true meaning in my head, for I feel that compliments are an outside expression we are trying to own, like hand-me-down self worth and self esteem.
When I looked up the definition I found this.
“Something that fills up, completes, or makes perfect.”
Or
“An expression of praise, admiration, or congratulation. An expression of esteem, respect, affection, or admiration; especially: an admiring remark b: formal and respectful recognition.
The first meaning seems odd, that ‘something is going to make us complete or perfect and fill us up. I know that this isn’t possible, that we can’t fill up another person or complete them in any way.
And yet compliments are noted as being kind. Really??? How is it kind to pretend to fill up another?
If I give you a compliment how do you wear it? How do you then bring it inside and own it as your own meaning. Isn’t it second hand?
I then thought that the truthfulness or the authenticity of the compliments lay within the receiver not the giver.
The state and condition of the receiver makes all the difference in the world. If your self worth and self-esteem are wanting and you are not whole and healthy, than compliments are desired to make you so. And this leads to the compliments being more powerful than you.
Compliments come from other people and they usually come after we have done something, so then this makes us work to gain our self worth, we have to do something to feel good.
I used to work hard to gain pieces of my self worth, to be perfect, for I had very little sense of self inside, I needed their opinions and expressions to show me who I was, in their silence I disappeared.
As I dropped the folks who used to give me their expressions and praise, I also dropped my need or desire for what they felt about me. I then was able to feel first hand about my self.
Isn’t there a ‘backhanded compliment’? What is does that mean? Is that an unkind compliment or one with an agenda? Is it a compliment that has a hidden meaning?
To me, if compliments are meant to make you feel better then they are dangerous, for you have to first feel great in order to receive them and then you don’t need them for you are full already.
They seem like ego mist to me…something the ego feels is good for us and that it lies within others and not within ourselves…something we can’t ourselves grasp or hold on to, yet others seem to carry for us.
Another co-dependent chain disguised as kindness.
