As I talked to a young mother today, it came up that those of us who have been raised in the church, have mostly friends of the church, and when you speak out about behaviors that hurt you as a child, the other person has similar ones...that you both share experiences that mirror each other enough, that there isn't behavior that is shocking.
I am not sure I am depicting this well, but it is like complaining to other folks who live Just like you...they don't see a problem, for that is how their moms act too.
You may as well be telling another white person how it is to be white...and trying to convince them IT is wrong.
So, as we discuss what is abuse or what your moral compass should be to report; those who have been abused since birth, are waiting perhaps for murder in order to see 'something' is wrong. For how can what has been going on for your whole life, SUDDENLY now be wrong.
Just as I tried to explain to a sister to see a pedophile rather than her dad, when her dad has always been a pedophile....we are asking them to see what they have always seen, BUT this time see beyond what is showing.
For all the members of the church to suddenly start questioning or looking deeper into the 'allegations' we are making on the blogs, is similar to having my sister START looking for something that is already there.
How can you find what is in plain sight?
This is what makes this incredibly frustrating on my part...that I am warning that the 'friendly' person is really the bad.
It is much easier for the child to get it, for one day a normal loving person in their world changed into a very horrible person. Yet to have everyone else now see what the child experienced, is a stretch.
Not only are we mired in families of abuse, we are friends or relatives with other families of abuse, so to each other we all look normal...nothing seems amiss.
And in the structure of these messed up families, is that the parent has the upper hand...always. You are to love and honor your parent. The child's wishes, needs etc are not consider, for "Mother" knows best.
Just being a child in this religion, you are taught to be a second class citizen, with no rights. Now enter in an abusive person. The child is easy prey. They have been groomed by the religion to silently suffer the short end of any scale....that is their normal.
It seems nothing short of a miracle that I was able to see not only my abuse, but my parents, and even more miraculous is that I was able to walk way from it all. To realize that what I had thought was loving kindness, was just abuse.
There was no part of love that I could extracate from there, for all of it had been tainted by either the religion or the abuse.
I could feel the weight today of how a child must feel, to try and reason with the unreasonable, to make hear those who have been conditioned ONLY to listen to their ELDERS. To imagine the pressure a child feels when all on the top can't hear you much less believe you.
I am a big assed adult lady of 52 years. And very few if any have changed their minds. Imagine then if you will how a young child with very limited vocabulary and life skills and experiences are supposed to change your view of your church members, your fathers, brothers etc...and at the same time have your very survival (your basic needs) be in the hands of your abuser.
While I thought my voice in the blog was to wake people up to see what is in plain sight, maybe it is instead to show a child what you will be up against...you will be the one candle in a family of darkness.
If you are one of the lucky ones, you will find another member of your family to add to your shining light of truth. It is like lighting a huge warehouse, with just one candle.
My determination to wake you up, hasn't been working very well.
Mostly it seems is that I am talking to myself...what comes back is mostly anonymous defenses. It isn't the children that need to be taught, but the adults.
Adults who have been taught to not believe, hear or pay attention to the feelings and lives of children....are to be taught to see the child.
