Just being me on Christmas is a huge peaceful relief...no stress is lurking, (now that the mail volume will begin to decrease) and I didn't string up any expectations or false ideals of anyone.
In the past, I would plunge down deep after Christmas, but it was due to all the expectations and hopes I put into Christmas...and their failure would leave me empty hollow and down.
It is insane how the mind can expect the undeliverable and believe it. How I would believe that the Christmas season could change people, and like magic they would realize or see things that hadn't before...
When in fact, it seems that what is off is really off on Christmas...instead of healing things, it magnifies them.
And the opposite is true too. When you are filled with love and peace about yourself and your life, Christmas arrives and there is nothing to want. For you already want what you have.
I feel such great emptiness of hopes...I am not standing on a mountain, that I will have to fall from tomorrow and for weeks afterward. Instead I come to Christmas needing nothing from anyone...it was never about the gifts, but rather the Feelings I wanted from them.
I wanted them to feel this or that way towards me....
I wanted to feel this or that way towards them. No matter who they or them was. I always arrived with false expectations and in the state of need.
When I arrive at Christmas empty of expectations and hope, I can sit in peace and let it all be.
Loving me and accepting me is the greatest thing I can bring to Christmas; if I am Merry with me, Christmas doesn't have to make me Merry.
Just as Dr. Jill Bolte-Taylor says, "each of us are responsible for the energy we bring into the room," it is up to us to bring Merry to Christmas.
I love that I have a Merry me to bring to Christmas....
