Worry it seems is trying to answer a question, before the question is presented...how can you know what you will do, until you are actually face to face with what is. Stress too seems like you are trying to force things that are unmovable. Most often there are not too many choices, and they cannot be made before their time.
I am either growing up for becoming wise in recognizing that which I can change and affect, and the places where I must surrender...
Places to surrender is when the deed is already done, no point in wishing it hadn't happened...or when the choice isn't yours to make.
My husband was diagnosed with COPD;
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Chronic obstructive pulmonary disease, involving constriction of the airways and difficulty or discomfort in breathing. There are details we can't know yet until we see a Lung Specialist, but for now, he is at home, but on oxygen 24 hours a day. Many factors factor into this disease, one of which is his enjoying cigarettes for the past 40 years. My first response to him was, "So how is the relationship with your smokes going?" I had given up nagging him to quit a long time ago and recognized this was his choice and knew ultimately he would pay the bigger price. It seems the price now is being extracted. While gasping for your next breath it is easy to say, "No MORE!"...but on our way home after a two night stay in the hospital, he said the cravings were starting. Your head has to get it...and even still, 40 years of habit has to be reversed and changed. All the old stomping grounds will have to be re-looked at. Old buddies will become hard to hang out with... When I stopped nagging, I had surrendered being in control of his body...and responsible for his state of health or the lack thereof. It certainly will affect me, depending upon how this all turns out, but it will be one step removed. He is in the battle and I am on the sidelines. This isn't my fight and none of my will power or self control can be put in the game. It is his. He is a very stubborn man when he sets his mind to it. It is up to him to take back his life from the smokes... No one that loves and enjoys his company would have chosen this for him... In fact, I told him, "you treat our cars better than you do your own body." And he does. Sometimes you don't appreciate what you have till its gone. Air and breathing are there with you in each moment. But it is only when you can't breathe on your own, do you recognize the gift it is. |
