"Hard as it is, we cannot shrink from our relationships or we simply become an audience or gofer for the dominant partner or friend. Like most of us, I have struggled with this my whole life; fearful of what might happen if I actually voice my concerns and needs, surprised that doing so - while not always easy or pleasant - always enables me to be myself more fully."
"Then, not by chance, I'm always more able to feel and see the world around me. I bring more to the scene and am revitalized more readily by my daily experience."
"The great philosopher Martin Buber, who believed that God is most deeply known through relationships, spoke to the heart of this paradox. He said that before there can be a true relationship, there must be two separate beings who can relate. Most of our life experience bears this out. Unless we work to be ourselves, we can never truly know others or the numinous world we live in." Mark Nepo," The Book of Awakening"
"Two separate beings who can relate..." This is the heart of all relationships....IF we can relate. It isn't about each individual, but can we each arrive in this moment of time and be fully with it.
In walking through many relationships asking for them to be with my truth, I found very few to relate to. Most wanted me to relate to their position of keeping the old family ways going.
It isn't that each of us alone are the issue, but what we become as we join each other in relating to situations.
I know that my marriage has been based upon how each of us relate to a life change....we don't have to relate the same, but we have to arrive in the present with truth and then respond.
Our responses are not always the same. In the past, this would leave me unsettled, for I thought that 'close' people all respond in unison. What I know now, is that each of us come through life with our own views and respond appropriately for our walk.
I most often am very reactive in abuse type situations...whereas he is much more calm and can process before leaping. Both of us are aware of the same situation, but respond differently.
We relate in our true selves. He is willing and able to claim his actions...as much as I do mine. We are open and willing to be fearless to be ourselves. I should say, "I am willing to be open and fearless at being myself....for my husband has never had troubles with this. He is who he is...and makes no apologies. I used to worry and fret about being me...for the fear of upsetting someone.
My fears were founded. When I began to relate with life differently, As Myself -for myself-, I lost many relationships. Yet, the wonder of fearlessly being me made up for what I lost.
"There will never be an "Us" if I play small." Sharon Preiss
We took this truck to Marquette this past weekend. This is the same truck we started dating in in 1982. He bought it brand new...and has had it painted since. We are still two separate beings who can relate. We are different, but we keep finding a common ground. I love him for letting me be me...and I love him for always being himself. Just like great things in nature....
The rocks along Lake Superior, Presque Isle, Marquette
