I always knew that my quilting was Art Therapy, I just never knew how...it just was.
I never sat down and dissected the parts or even looked closely at the process, but rather was focused on the fabric, quilts and design, but not at what was happening behind the scenes if you will or what the overall technique was doing.
I was processing my pain...while the mind was focused on the quilt, my unconscious was leaking out in the overall picture.
It was like there were two selves down there quilting.
The conscious quilter and the unconscious pain.
My quilts were a barometer of my unconscious pain, my fears and sense of self; as my sense of self worth grew, the Lady in my quilt became more alive and animated. And at times answers to fears were shown to be unfounded.
What I find so odd is that I felt I was escaping myself by quilting, and yet it was there that I was most prolific. I wasn't running from me, but towards me.
My feelings would dictate the scene in the Art and the fabric and design. I knew I quilted by feelings, I just never looked at what I was feeling or why I chose what fabric I did and why I felt drawn to create a lady engaged in a certain feeling.
And there were times I would start out with one feeling and then take sudden turn and a completely different quilt would emerge.
All of this is very amazing looking back at my quilted journey of feelings.
What I recall most, is the times I felt so out of sorts in real life, so lost in the now and old relationships, and how at home the Lady felt on the quilt...and how she seemed to foretell my feelings, ahead of me being aware I felt that way...perhaps ahead of my mind.
Guess that is what Art is more about, getting out of your mind and playing with feelings.
Photograph by Hannah Jukuri
A clothesline full of feelings as a woman processes her pain, her life and seeks to find hope for her future. I was completely turned inside out and quilted from there as well. These are my insides; my feelings and emotions. Contrasts, convergences, waves of energy...processing who I wasn't and processing who I was...finding my way by feelings.
