Last night at Dial Help, we learned a bit about suicide. Some of the statistics are shocking and then, not so much.
There are 35,000 who die each year...more than in war or disasters.
90% have mental health issues.
The dialogue when dealing with suicide is to be very direct and use the terms about killing yourself or wanting to die; to not shy away from the word suicide. And to go into the dark place they are standing in.
What I learned is that you can be squeezed into a dark spot, either by being overwhelmed with life, or when you have no life at all. Both are critical positions to be stuck in.
I just didn't know that rising to the highest of standards can be just as stressful and life sucking or detrimental to your spirit as a life without meaning.
We watched a short clip from Author and Attempt Survivor, Terry Wise who wrote a book called, "Waking Up; Climbing through the darkness. If you go to her website, you can watch it too. Just google her name and book title.
First of all, I didn't even know the term, "Attempt Survivor", but like it.
Terry spoke of how in our lives we push things aside and dont' deal, and that they sit on simmer. When a tragic event occurs, all our simmering pots hit full boil, and we then are instantly overwhelmed. This makes perfect sense to me. I experienced the full boil of a thousand hurts.
I wrote down, "Suicide doesn't stand alone," and that we have to look at events before and even all the way back into childhood. And she said, "Good therapy is like an archeologist, you keep digging and going deeper."
Her therapist also suggested writing, which she did...
I continue to learn about human suffering, pain, and how we deal or don't deal and the consequences. And how important it is to stay with the feelings and emotions...to follow the person into their darkest places, to be the enlightened witness, so they don't have to suffer alone.
I think, my knee jerk reaction is to fix and problem solve and not to just be with them while they express what they are feeling. It is a re-learning process for me to focus on the feelings and emotions; to not push them away.
Oddly, we are emotional beings, and yet we are so uncomfortable being with emotions. It is more 'comfortable' to skirt the emotions and work on fixing the problems or finding solutions, than it is to just plop down in the middle of extreme darkness.
And it is when you are in such a dark place, you need it the most.
The ability to just witness their pain, is something we are learning to do. Just to sit with them awhile. To let them live one more day.
Terry also wrote about learning just to endure life, and then to tolerate life....and to manage living.
She is right, "Climbing through the darkness...."
