"If you don't know the kind of person I am and I don't know the kind of person you are a pattern that others made may prevail in the world and following the wrong god home, we may miss our star." William Stafford
"Like that old saying, "Water fills a hole," the ways of others will fill the space we live in if we don't fill that space with our own authentic presences. For a long time, I thought that keeping who I am to myself was the same thing as being myself quietly. I discovered it is not."
"Not that we have to verbalize or shout everything, but we do need to be fully here the way a cliff accepts a wave, the way a stem of clover grows into the one patch of light in the forest, the way corn sweats its sweet moisture when no one is looking."
I read this by Mark Nepo and then went to do yoga.
What came to me is that we don't even know we are being filled by others until you try and go against what you have always done, and meet with great friction.
Two forces meeting.
One is you and the other is another person's wishes, happiness or desire.
If you have always left yourself behind and catered to others, it will not be easy to switch....serving yourself first and them last. They will holler or respond negatively.
I think many who are seeking to change, believe it will be met with smiles and hugs...and quickly retreat when met with opposition.
The harder it is to change, the more volume of other is in your world...and the smaller your sense of self is.
I used to be very strong for others. I would help carry the weak, support the unhappy, organize the unorganized, etc...I was very good for others, but very weak for me.
The me signal was so weak, it seldom arrived. My no or resentment was whispered faintly to myself, silently...while I put on a co-operation face and attended to other.
The content of my life had just a very small percentage that was honest me.
Honest me, was small and weak and not much for confrontations, and certainly uncomfortable with friction or disappointment in other's face.
There comes a point in life when there just isn't anymore to give, when you are saturated with others needs, while you are dying from the inside out.
I didn't know how I would gracefully exit my old way of doing things, how to get my voice back, how to utter no...instead of always saying yes, but I was tired and discontent with me.
What I didn't know, is that the small me was stirring. Like a chicken getting ready to be born, I was chipping away at the things I didn't want to do anymore, and began making excuses...opening space for me to grow.
Spaces being filled by me.
