In last nights role play at Dial Help, we learned about depression, or experienced what it feels like to answer the calls...or even more important, how it feels to sit in the emotion with them or 'try and fix things'.
In my first attempt, I ignored his feelings and worked to solve the situation that circled him like a noose. While dodging how he felt, I focused on the outliers in his life. Leaving him once again totally alone.
It wasn't intentional, but since he was a 'stranger' I didn't want to get personal and jump feet first into how he felt...instead I was working on the outside structure, that would circuitously lead to reducing his stressful feelings. Exploring the things that were giving him stress and not his stress, if that makes sense.
The second caller, I jumped in feet first and ignored our strangeness. And oddly, this call went much better. I wasn't perfect, but I was perfectly with her feelings. Together we swam and explored the heavy grey, that clouded her world, the juxtaposition about her outer life and how she truly feels inside.
What I learned is that emotions is our common denominator, we all feel emotions the same way. Overwhelm is overwhelm...no matter the cause that creates it.
And, that most will not look directly at the pain and stress, but rather the structures that create it...asking the one in pain to see things differently or focus outside instead of inside.
It is so revealing when you sit with emotions, like coming face to face with the truth. And if you worry about the causes, you miss the opportunity to see the person.
What most callers need is for you to see them...and how they feel.
In our society, or at least the environment that I was raised in, you did whatever you could as to NoT feel. Or certainly change the negative feelings, by relabeling the outer source or finding excuses, or the favorite, Blessing away the sins that cause you pain.
We become strangers to our emotions...uncomfortable with them.
I believe that all the emotions we have ignored are not gone away, we didn't miss the opportunity to sit with them awhile, they are all there inside of us, waiting to flow forth.
What I also believe, in some situtations, you get an overwhelming feeling, for behind the emotion file named sadness, you may have 45 years worth of pain to feel...and that is what weighs you down.
Going into the pain, voicing it, feeling it; expressing it....is for the pain to be heard and validated, and that is its purpose.
The purpose of emotions is not to ignore them...but to hear what they are telling you.
I know, for myself, I didn't know my own emotions, I had pushed them down and back for 46 years. So, when I opened the door, an avalanche of feelings poured out.
I was overwrought with emotions. And had to teach myself how to deal with them, I literally had to tell myself, "Feel This." And I wrote about my feelings and emotions.
I stopped looking outside at the circumference of my life, and instead began living from the center. But first, I had to go back and relive my first 46 years...
Living hand to heart with my emotions. Where in the past, I did everything and anything to not have to feel. My emotions were bottled up inside, shoved into tight balled fists...resentment, anger, injustice, to name a few...all kept far away from mind and mouth.
When I began to live my center...I had years and years worth to feel, express and voice. My truth was just waiting for me to see it, hear it and feel it. I validated me by standing face to face with how I felt. Even in the darkest emotions, I stood and let the waves of sorrow drip.
Being alive is dancing with each emotion, neglecting none.
