I am reading a book that I picked up at Dial Help, titled "Helping Your Child Recover from Sexual Abuse." By Caren Adams and Jennifer Fay....written in 1987.
There is an inner battle with my mind and body, for it will makes sense to one or the other, but not both. I can read this from a parent view, but feel the ineptness as a child.
Interesting.
They give a scenario and then "What to say".
I can see that this would be helpful to read Before your child was abused, but after, I believe you will be too distraught to find the page with the right phrase.
In speaking about family and who to tell, they write;
"If your child wants to tell everybody she or he knows, it could be that she/he has been rewarded for telling the story, and wants more reward. In that case, try to reward your child in other ways, and limit the telling. Everyone does not need to know; it's not a secret, but it is private. A child who needs to tell everyone in the world really has another need. It is up to you and/or the child, to decide what to tell. It is not necessary for everyone to hear the details, even if they press you for them."
Under What to say.
" Who do you think we should tell about this? Who would we tell if you broke your leg? Had your tonsils out?"
"I know this is embarrassing and sometimes people say thoughtless things, but I need support. Shall we tell Grandma? Aunt Pam? Your father? Your Teacher?"
Okay, I am sorry, but being sexually abused isn't like a body wound, it is a huge blow to your inner self. It isn't embarrassing, it is trauma to your emotional body. What is embarrassing is that the people you thought wouldn't hurt you did. You misjudgement of character is what you feel taken aback by.
The way they are talking about sexual abuse, feels to me like they don't know it by experience.
It isn't about who to tell or what, it is about keeping that child safe in reality. It isn't about the other people, it is about what the child needs.
I can hardly feel that the child will be seeking to be rewarded for telling her story.
Rewarded, I believe for not telling it is more accurate in my experience.
When 90% of abuse happens with someone you know, and 50% of that with family, the view point of abuse isn't typically like they are writing....for the most part it being a stranger.
Recovering your child after sexual abuse, is more like recovering reality. The child just happened to find a Cat in the matrix. A person who isn't a 'loving friend/family' and now everyone needs to adjust to a new reality.
