While listening to Debbie Ford talking to Oprah, she had an acronym for Denial; "Don't Ever Notice I Am Lying".
Isn't that clever?
And how often do we play this game, not only with ourselves, but with others as well. We either say things we don't mean or mean things we don't say...we get in the habit of not speaking our truth, no matter how small and insignificant, we embellish it by not letting it just sit there in its glory....we lie.
Who knew, lying is denial....
When I think of the word denial, it was to put people in a state of not being aware. I didn't put them actively participating in leaving reality; by saying what isn't true for them.
It makes denial a less passive sport. It makes it a personal activity.
Most often, we know that our truth will ruffle feathers and sends ripples of waves in our 'close' relationships, so we hope they don't notice "I am lying".
What I even believe, is that denial is rampant state of being, we are so used to saying not what we mean, that it is incredibly hard to not lie.
To just say it as it is.
We are addicted to the false sense of comfort of lies.
This is especially true when you were born and raised in dsyfunction. You don't really, really really want to know you are 'not normal' or that your family is not anywhere near the state of wellness. You began living in this state of lies in order to survive your childhood, and then forgot to remember it was all lies.
There has to be only two states of being. Denial...and lies or Truth and no lies.
It isn't that we set out to be liars, but when abused, we are told to lie and lying becomes our way of being.
We lie about how we feel, about not being afraid, about who we love, who we trust, we lie. We lie in order to keep our worlds looking the same. The world stays the same and inside we lie.
Denial on the inside...so our worlds on the outside don't collapse.
We then live rotting on the inside, while the outside has a mom and a dad, not a pedophile and his accomplice. It is easier to lie, than it is to sit and feel the brunt of feelings and emotions that arise with the knowing of reality.
My denial was brought into the open when my father was exposed as a pedophile, all my lies were found out. I was a liar.
I would have thought our whole family would have been forced out of denial, but instead some were able to keep on lying.
It was incredible and extremely frustrating and maddening and still is today...to witness the strength of denial. And in order for them to keep up the lies, they can't participate in life with me. I see now, I notice.
I do notice their lies...which is what they push away from.
I have had the opportunity to see my family and religious community in action when you bring up the words abuse or speak of pedophiles...They won't bring it in.
I understand to my bones, how impossible it would be for a small child to wake up these folks, for I have been trying to piearce their denial...and have failed.
They keep lying to themselves...over and over, flinging back the truth and saving the lies. Their whole lives are built upon a rotting foundation and they will work on the rotting structure, making it appear undamaged...while damage runs free.
I am utterly impressed with the volume of lies folks believe.
And I have become the liar in their midst, while they cling to the image of father and mother. Something has to be wrong, so it is I.
I am the lie.
And he is the truth...as a father, not a pedophile.
In order for the lies to work, I am not telling the truth...they are or he is, or my mother is truthful and I am a liar.
They will deny my words and cling to the rotting family tree.
My experience of them is that I am the one to stand clear of and they have. Step back from the abused and step towards abusers to protect their own lies.
Even within the church, the churches hierarchy will not even begin an inside investigation, words of abuse falls on deaf ears. Who are they protecting??? Not the children, so then who?
It came to me yesterday, Sunday when the church is full, that they too are hoping "Don't Ever Notice I Am Lying". The church is lying. It lies when it says it can make the sins disappear.
It is lying.
And yet, bring abuse there and you will be treated like a liar, no one believes you...yet they believe enough to bless it away.
Their business is to bless away reality, kinda like denial. Hoping no one notices the lies.
