"Spiritual Empowerment is evidence in our lives by our willingness to tell ourselves the truth, to listen to the truth when it's told to us, and to dispense the truth as lovingly as possible, when we feel compelled to talk from the heart." Christina Baldwin
Spiritual empowerment is our willingness to be with the truth...and yet I felt like I was in the act of pure betrayal when I hung my quilts, that somehow I was doing something wrong, I had stepped over the bounds by displaying my truth.
This is a deep seeded belief.
A core belief handed to us in sexual abuse; to bare the pain in silence, gathering our shame...never letting it see the light of day. To go on acting normal after such a abnormal activity.
Hanging my quilts was very empowering for my soul, and yet, a part of me is waiting to be punished. That somehow I have broken the rule of humanity...by publicly displaying my own truths.
It's weird to have feelings of wrong doing or getting caught, for telling the truth. It seems these feelings would match lying instead.
Underneath our family structure had to be this overwhelming sentiment, that we don't EVER, not EVER speak the truth about abuse. It is the key to keeping our family together; our mutal silences.
Even though I haven't been part of my family of origin for 7 years, I still feel their disapproval and non-support of how I am displaying my truth.
If, Spiritual Empowerment is to be with the truth, than to disempower the spirit would be to live among lies.
It is funny in a sad way, that the very thing we need to do to empower our spirits is the very thing that leads us away from our families.
It would appear that I am the one to lose, since I am outside of my family, but all I really lost was the burden of being silent about my life experiences. What I have gained is an empowered Spirit.
So once again, my Spirit gains, and I am stepping further away from my family.
It can't be helped. There is no way you can remain in a family whose structure is built upon not living the truth and live a life that is empowering to your soul.
What I also know, based on my experience, while I lived a life that didn't support my soul, I didn't even know it was missing. My whole life was lived to please and placate others. I wasn't present while being present. There was no me there.
The biggest lies for 46 years were the lies I told myself.
The lies about my feelings.
The lies about my emotions.
The lies of saying yes when I felt no.
The lies...all the small and insignificant lies that continued to create a me that wasn't really me.
All those lies dis-empowered my soul.
Now, in order to get my power back, I must always reflect my truth.
My Lady quilts show my journey in fabric...of being a lost soul; the affects of sexual abuse.
Perhaps many don't want to know this fact, that they would feel better knowing you can still pull off a life that appears normal....but underneath you have the rotting of your soul.
While many are unable to articulate this, I feel that my quilts depict this remarkably, how small and powerless I was inside.
And, they also show the growth that happens when you walk in your truth.
The quilt display will move some to walk stronger and with more courage towards their truth, it shows the possibilities.
What Spiritual Empowerment looks like.
