The lack of seeing life as it is, is the greatest veil that falls upon us in abuse. Our minds simply refuse to see the changes in the behavior of another. We keep the old image, the old file, the old knowing in place; while new behaviors arrive. And some do this and call it Faith....the power to bless evil away.
It isn't the actual physical or emotional abuse that hurts us, IT IS THE LACK OF CHANGING the file to now read, "Not friend, Not love, Not kind, Not appropriate...etc.
We give wide berth to all kinds of behavior, because we sit in the comfort of the relationship...focusing on marriage or friendship or fatherhood, instead of seeing that the individual we are in a relationship with, HAS CHANGED. They are showing you who they are, BELIEVE them.
Our lack of changing, is the biggest factor in helping them abuse. We don't want to be UN-Believers. We want to believe in them. We feel if we believe strong enough, we will have someone to believe in. This does not work. NOT seeing it is what the absuser lives for. They do not want you to address their evil. They want you to believe in their innocence.
For those with a loving big heart, this changing of the files is like pulling teeth, they will not do so, for they are kind. They are too kind to see your bad behavior. That is nuts! Is kindness blindness????
There are so many 'good christians' who believe in their faith and feel its kindness....as they continually forgive sins of abuse.
If they only could see the actions in action. If they only could see how them NOT seeing it, allows abuse to boldly attack again and again. Their kind blindness is the very thing abusers depend upon.
My mother's strength was her blindness. This is what kept her in a bad relationship for 49 years, allowed her daughters and her granddaughter's to be abused by her husband....she refused to be unkind to him!
UNKIND to him. While he gets free reign to abuse.
This kind blindness is subtle and it appears nice and very Jesus like, but it is actually quite deadly and harmful for the children who live under its reign.
In dysfunction kindness is blindness.
